<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Thank You, Next by Notyourtypicalmermaid</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27896683">Thank You, Next</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notyourtypicalmermaid/pseuds/Notyourtypicalmermaid'>Notyourtypicalmermaid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Childhood Friends, First Love, Friendship, Heartache, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Road Trips, Secret Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, break - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:35:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27896683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notyourtypicalmermaid/pseuds/Notyourtypicalmermaid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiyori Tono's Sexual Awakening.</p><p>Sidenote: This is not a harem story.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kinjou Kaede/Tono Hiyori, Kirishima Ikuya/Tono Hiyori, Kirishima Natsuya/Tono Hiyori, Shigino Kisumi/Tono Hiyori</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Kirishima Ikuya</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes, the title is a reference to Ariana Grande's song, "Thank You, Next." As a warning, this story will cover different relationships that Hiyori will have over the years with different characters in canon. I wouldn't say this is a love story but a story about learning from different types of love.</p><p>Please enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"I want to kiss you again, but let's not tell anyone." Ikuya said, smiling sweetly at him. </p><p>All Hiyori could do was nod.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter does have brief mentions of abuse so please be wary.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> The first time Hiyori met Ikuya, it was a super quick encounter in a swimming pool that neither of them barely remember. He does remember feeling chilly and how the curve of Ikuya's smile made him feel warm inside.</p><p> Their second encounter was almost identical to the first except this time they were older and living across the world. It was too strange to be a coincidence so he found the courage to actually introduce himself this time and awkwardly made his first friend. And since Hiyori never felt he was lucky, he clung to Ikuya and his charming smile like a lifeline. </p><p>They swam together, went to the movies, and hung out at each other's houses on a regular basis. Hiyori learned everything he could about Ikuya, his favorite foods, music and of course everything he loved about swimming. </p><p>The moment Hiyori saw Ikuya almost drown, he knew his life was never going to be the same. Instantly, he felt this fierce urge to protect the only friend he had ever made, no matter what it took. It didn't matter that the other kids looked at him weird or called him names; it's not like they would've became his friend. No, he was fine with a little name-calling if Ikuya was safe.  </p><p>He thought this friendship was meant to be, set in stone, made from the stars. Ikuya needed someone to look after him and Hiyori wanted someone to care for.</p><p>Sure, his anxiety was already pretty high, constantly afraid that Ikuya would someday leave him and yeah, it didn't help that Ikuya's big brother, Natsuya, also pressured him to look after Ikuya, too. But if that was the price to pay for friendship then he was fine with it. Plus, it's not like he had anything to compare it to; Ikuya was his only friend. </p><p>So, he tried hiding his anxiety behind fake smiles, a voice that elevated when he talked, and open body language, but he was never sure if he could fool anyone, including himself. Looking back, he wished he took a chill pill or found some other outlet to deal with his control issues.</p><p>---</p><p>They were 15, alone in Hiyori's room which was nothing new. His room was like a secret haven for them after school when Ikuya wanted to be away from Natsuya or just wanted some peace and quiet. His parents were never home and he was secretly grateful that Ikuya never questioned it. Nobody needed to know how lonely he was without them. </p><p>"Hey," Ikuya said one lazy Friday evening, "Have you ever kissed someone?" </p><p>Hiyori paused his writing, his English homework already fading from his memory, hoping his face didn't look as confused as he felt. "Um, no. Should I have had?"</p><p>He got an eye roll as a response, "It's not a competition. It's just a question."   </p><p>Hiyori hummed in reply, still madly confused but he always liked to play along with Ikuya's whims. He shrugged before saying, "Well, have you?"</p><p>"No, but..." Ikuya blushed, "Do you want to try it with me?" </p><p>The amount of heat that rushed to Hiyori's face made him think he was going to pass out and briefly pinched his thigh to see if he was dreaming.</p><p>"You can say no. It's okay." Ikuya's expression looked impassive but the slight tremor in his voice made him seem a little embarrassed.</p><p>Okay, so he wasn't dreaming.</p><p>"No, no! Um, sure?"</p><p>"Is that a yes?" Ikuya laughed, shyly moving into Hiyori's space. </p><p>"Y-yes." </p><p>Ikuya smiled at him briefly before sitting neatly in front of him. He was so close that Hiyori could count his eyelashes if he had the time. He smelled like lemon and chlorine and when Ikuya's hand touched his shoulder, Hiyori could die right then and there and be fine with it.  </p><p>"Close your eyes, okay?" </p><p>"Y-yes, okay!" He shouted, cringing in embarrassment. Fortunately, Ikuya barely noticed and was leaning in fast. The kiss was clunky at best and painful at worst. Their heads bumped together and they both gasped at the pain of it. Hiyori rubbed his head, humiliated and disappointed.</p><p>
  <i> 'There goes my one chance with him,' </i> He inwardly sulked. 
</p><p>"Fuck, I'm sorry! Are you alright?" Ikuya said as he touched his shoulder again but he was too much in agony to really appreciate it.</p><p>"Yeah, uh, let's not bump heads again." </p><p>"Sorry, Hiyori." He said, sincerely.</p><p> "No, it's okay. You just surprised me." </p><p>Ikuya sighed in relief before saying, "Do you want to try it again? I don't think that counted."</p><p>Hiyori's heart soared, speechless.  He looked into Ikuya's eyes for confirmation and he found nothing but hope and desire. He easily agreed.</p><p>"I want to kiss you again, but let's not tell anyone," Ikuya said, smiling sweetly at him. </p><p>All Hiyori could do was nod.</p><p>___</p><p>From then on, they kissed but it was periodically and completely dependent on Ikuya's mood. If they had a great swim practice, Ikuya would make out with him for at least 5 minutes, no tongue. If practice wasn't so good, he'd either avoid physical contact altogether or kiss his lips so harshly they'd leave a slight bruise. Sometimes it was as soon as they got to his home or right before Ikuya had to leave for the night. He always acted like he was in a rush so Hiyori couldn't savor those quiet moments together. And even though he felt constantly nervous, he didn't dare complain. Ikuya was who he wanted more than anyone.  </p><p>At the time, he knew very little about sexuality or whether he was gay, straight, or something in-between. But he did know he wanted Ikuya, longer than he could remember.</p><p>---</p><p>Months later, Hiyori was still confused by the kissing but didn't question it. He was mostly grateful to have Ikuya this way even if no one could ever know about it. Nobody knew about their makeout sessions which wasn't a surprise since Ikuya acted nothing had changed. He was as aloof as always in public and at home. The few friends they made at school never commented on anything weird and sometimes Hiyori wondered if he imagined everything. </p><p>But there was no way he could imagine the softness of Ikuya's lips or how his fingers gripped his thighs when Ikuya was particularly impatient. The way he grasped his shirt like he wanted to make a point as to who he belonged to. That kind of passion left Hiyori breathless and aching for more.  </p><p>But, because there was always a but, he wasn't sure if they were dating or not. And he didn't have the courage to ask. He loved Ikuya and they were (kinda) physical now so maybe titles didn't matter. Ikuya didn't flirt with other guys (not that he ever flirted with Hiyori) or change his everyday behavior. He should be content with this.</p><p>Except...</p><p>One night, freshly 17 and nearly ready to face the world, Ikuya was buried in essays while Hiyori was finishing a math problem. The weather was starting to change from winter to spring and their high school graduation was right around the corner. </p><p>"Hey." Ikuya said, giving Hiyori that smile that made him weak in the knees. He was sitting on Hiyori's bed while Hiyori worked at his desk. All of sudden, he felt how far away they were from each other. </p><p>"Hey. Finished with your essay?" </p><p>"Not quite." He pushed his computer aside, tip-toeing to sit in Hiyori's lap. "I thought we could take a break."</p><p>"Oh? What do you have in mind?"</p><p>"Well, um, we never... Let me just show you." Slowly, Ikuya moved his lips to Hiyori's neck, kissing gently there, carefully not biting the skin. </p><p> Hiyori hummed, "This feels nice, but we've done this before." </p><p>"I'm getting there, be patient." Ikuya snapped, sucking a tender part of Hiyori's neck. Hiyori groaned in acknowledgment, closing his eyes in slight discomfort. "Don't be so rough, Ikuya. We have all night."</p><p>All night meaning his parents hadn't called to say they were coming home.</p><p>"Sorry. I got carried away," was the reply. Hiyori squinted but chose to say nothing. He tilted his neck again, letting the other man pepper him with kisses. His teeth were softer but still sharper than he liked. "Ikuya.." </p><p>"It'll get good, I promise." Hiyori sighed, forcing his body to go limp, caressing the short curls in Ikuya's hair that he only got after a swim in the pool. Ikuya's body was firm in his lap but slowly grinding against him as they kissed. </p><p>The kiss continued and as promised, it started to feel better. Ikuya became a better kisser over the years, more confident and sensual. Hiyori tried his best to return that energy, always warming up to the challenge. Soon, their shirts were off and Hiyori loved touching the muscles on Ikuya's back. He was so firm and small compared to him, making him feel a small surge of power. Hiyori felt Ikuya's hands go lower, tracing the outline of his crotch through his jeans. He jolted. They've never gone this far before. </p><p>"Um."</p><p>"Can I take these off?" His eyes bored into Hiyori's. </p><p>"S-sure." </p><p>Ikuya grinned sweet and low as he pulled Hiyori's pants down. He was a little embarrassed at how hard he was, they've barely done anything but his body betrayed his excitement. He fantasized about this a few times and now that it was happening, he was a little nervous. </p><p> "What are you gonna do?" He asked.</p><p>"I want to put it in my mouth if that's okay." </p><p>"Oh?" Hiyori thought about how rough his kisses were and while his lips adjusted to the treatment, there's no way his dick would. He hoped to play his uneasiness off, "You don't have to. I could do you instead." Not like he had any idea what to do either.</p><p>Ikuya giggled, "I know I don't have to. I want to. But you can say no."  </p><p>Hiyori felt tongue-tied, torn between his embarrassment and lust. Lust won. If this went wrong, he could at least pat himself on the back for getting this far. "Okay, but be gentle."</p><p>"Promise." Ikuya unbuckled his belt and the clank it made it was loud and finite. Nervous, Hiyori kissed him again, hoping it would distract from his shaking. Kissing and touches were nothing new but being <i> naked </i>  well, that was something else.</p><p>"Yours is a little bigger than me. How unfair." Ikuya said cheekily. </p><p>"We could compare." Hiyori blushed, he never felt so exposed, "Can I touch you?"</p><p> "Hm. Maybe next time." He nipped his thighs with his teeth, wasting not time, touching his dick. Hiyori jolted, surprised and embarrassed at the yelp he made. </p><p>It felt strange to have another man touch him there but he liked it. Ikuya was a little rough as expected but he could be gentle too. He touched Hiyori like he was curious. He pumped his cock, giving small kisses to the side of it.</p><p>"Oh, that's kind of nice." Hiyori sighed, feeling he had to say something. The visual of Ikuya on his knees was enough to get him going and he didn't want to focus on how awkward he felt.  </p><p>"Just nice? Then I'm not doing it right." He licked his shaft with more energy making Hiyori groan at the sensation. He lightly tugged Ikuya's hair, making Ikuya say, "That's more like it." </p><p>"I'm gonna try and put it in, don't choke me okay?" </p><p>Hiyori nodded dumbly, eager to feel more. He watched as Ikuya licked the tip, causing his whole body to shudder. "Oh, <i> my.</i> "  Ikuya hummed in acknowledgement, edging Hiyori's dick into his mouth. He was a little clumsy too, losing his balance slightly as he moved down but Hiyori thought he never looked sexier. </p><p>All Hiyori could do was whimper pitifully, overwrought with emotion; lust, awe, satisfaction. He never thought they'd get this far and for<i> Ikuya </i>  to initiate it made it even better. He came quickly, startling the both of them when his release hit the back of Ikuya's throat.</p><p>"Sorry! I'm so sorry! Let me get you a tissue." Hiyori panicked. </p><p>Ikuya laughed, "You're fine. Relax." He took the tissue though, wiping the corners of his mouth. "That wasn't so bad." </p><p>Wasn't so bad was an understatement. Now Hiyori understood how some people could be so sex crazy, he was already addicted to the feeling. </p><p>"Did you like it?"</p><p>"Loved it." He gasped making Ikuya chuckle. "I can do you now." </p><p>"Maybe another time. I'm kind of tired." Ikuya turned away, grabbing his clothes. Hiyori grabbed his wrist.</p><p>"Are we dating?" He blurted, still lax from his orgasm high. </p><p>"What? Yeah. You're just asking that now?" Ikuya cocked his head in confusion. He already threw the tissue away, tossing Hiyori his underwear.</p><p>"We never talked -" He shut his mouth at seeing Ikuya's glare. "I guess we are. You just, you never told me." </p><p>"You never asked!" He exclaimed, "But of course we're dating. I don't do this with just anyone." Hiyori sighed in relief but tensed at the next sentence, "But I don't think we should tell anyone, of course." Ikuya said as he grabbed his shirt off the floor. "We don't want to weird people out, you know."</p><p>Hiyori shallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah, of course."</p><p><br/>
----</p><p>They continued this way until university and the uneasiness mostly settled in Hiyori's stomach. He resigned to Ikuya's often moody behavior and sporadic displays of aggressive affection in private. He still kissed him like he was angry but when they were done, he was back to normal. Ikuya liked to bite and never left marks that others could see, but sometimes Hiyori's body burned hours later after their sessions.  in many ways he liked it, feeling claimed by Ikuya, even if no one else could know about it. It was his secret pride, something no one would be able to judge him for.</p><p> Ikuya sometimes let him touch, to give back a little bit and explore his body the way he dreamed about, but he wasn't long before he got impatient, nudging him to get on with it, to not take his time. For some reason, Ikuya liked giving blowjobs but rarely had interest in receiving them. Mostly that was fine with Hiyori. Who could complain about being pleasured all the time? And while they never had penetrative sex, it still felt just as intimate. It didn't matter to him that Ikuya was a little capricious; after all that was part of his charm.  </p><p>But when Ikuya heard about his old middle school friends, he was even more withdrawn than ever. Ikuya always was a little moody, had an attitude at times but that was his personality. Hiyori praised his independent nature because it never felt like he was independent from <i> him. </i> But now, he was like an old shell of himself, distant and far from Hiyori's reach-unrecognizable. The 15-year-old boy who was wide-eyed and curious was nothing but a memory.</p><p>He thought he was doing the right thing, keeping Ikuya from his friends, doing what he was asked of him; being a considerate and loyal boyfriend. But that all came crashing down the day of the relay.</p><p>Watching Ikuya perk up when he saw Haru compete with him in the race made Hiyori more anxious than annoyed. He couldn't lie that Haru was a sight to behold in the water, elegant and graceful in a way he had never seen from any other swimmer before. He was strictly <i> captivating</i>.</p><p>He understood why Ikuya was so obsessed with Haru's swimming, seeing him as a hero - but that hug. It was so public and so intimate! And why was Ikuya crying so much? Was it Haru's swimming or was it Haru that made Ikuya so emotional? </p><p>Stabs of jealously like a whirlwind hit him fast and he almost said no when Ikuya asked him to do the relay. But what kind of boyfriend would he be if he denied him this one thing? He didn't care one way or another about the relay so it wasn't a bother. Plus, the team depended on them. So he agreed and he also fell into Haru's swimming sorcery, swept away by his beautiful free style. </p><p><i> 'I think I finally get it. He is so one with the water.' </i> </p><p>So, he was fine with Ikuya and Haru making up, he was fine being buddy-buddy with his friends, heck, he even liked a few of them once the dust settled.</p><p>But he was not fine with how Ikuya acted around Haru. The way his body relaxed, how his eyes softened, and the look of longing that was permanently on his face. He probably wasn't aware of it, not aware of how much Hiyori studied his body language over the years, in and out of the bedroom, but it was crystal clear: Ikuya had feelings for Haru.  </p><p>His first instinct was to ignore it, after all,  jealousy was his problem, not Ikuya's. Ikuya chose <i> him. </i> It was Hiyori who had stuck by his side all these years, who listened to him, who gave him what he wanted and more. How could Haru compete with that? </p><p>But the more time Ikuya spent with Haru and his friends, the more distant he became. At first, it was emotional distance, not really answering his calls or being engaged in conversation. </p><p>"Hey, Ikuya. There's a new cafe with some new sports drinks downtown. Do you want to go?" </p><p>"Sorry, I made plans with the guys... but do you want to come? We're seeing a movie." </p><p><i> 'The guys?'  </i> Hiyori shook his head, "No, no. Have fun. Maybe another time?"</p><p>"Sure. See you later." </p><p>
  <i>'He usually tells me about his plans. But, whatever. I can go to the café by myself or get some reading done. We don't have to be joined at the hip.' </i>
</p><p>He told himself he didn't care about being invited and that Ikuya wanted to reconnect with his friends on his own. He didn't blame him after all. It was probably a little awkward to be best friends (and secret boyfriends) with someone whose friends were antagonized by him. That's logical. Not a big deal. </p><p>But then the physical stuff stopped, too. At least twice a week they'd hook up, no matter how busy they were. Even when they had a fight, they'd still make time for fooling around. But Ikuya seemed to be completely disinterested like he forgot that was ever a factor in their relationship.  </p><p>"Ikuya, do you want a massage?" They were sitting in Ikuya's room after he convinced him to watch a movie together. <i> 'This might get him in the mood.' </i>  </p><p>"No, I'm okay." He replied, scrolling on his phone, "I feel fine." </p><p>"Oh, okay." Stumped, Hiyori glanced back at the movie, "I haven't...given you a 'massage' in a few weeks. Are you sure?" </p><p>Ikuya glanced at him, replying slowly, "I'm a little tired. Sorry." </p><p>"Ok." Embarrassed, he finished watching the movie, counting down the minutes until he could go home.</p><p> This behavior went on for weeks, Ikuya hanging out with his friends and acting like Hiyori didn't exist. Technically, he saw Ikuya every day but when he asked to hang out after practice, he had an excuse or he'd leave early before they could get intimate. So, Hiyori gave up. He didn't stop reaching out, but he gave him his space. He didn't know what else to do. </p><p>---</p><p>On a lonely Saturday, Hiyori made his way to his favorite bookstore, curious about the newest detective novel by his favorite author. He hadn't meant to look to his right but when he did, he was surprised to see Haru sitting on bench across from a popular sports shop. He had his eyes closed, hands in his pocket, not a care in the world.  </p><p>He spotted Ikuya, easy to do- honestly, something his eye has been trained to do for years. He was walking south, eyes wandering, searching from something or someone. And then Hiyori saw <i> it </i> again. That <i> look </i>. </p><p> His eyes were still closed, unware of his surroundings but Hiyori wasn't looking at him. He was watching Ikuya watch Haru, the way his eyes softened just so, the unwavering smile he had on his face. He looked... awe-struck and just so happy to be there. He straightened his hair, almost flirtatiously before stepping up to Haru. Immediately, Hiyori sidestepped out of view, feeling envy erupt in him like a volcano.</p><p><i> 'He's never looked at me like that.' </i> </p><p>The bookstore was forgotten that day.</p><p>---<br/>
</p><p>Later that night, he was in his bed, tired from tossing and turning; exhausted from this question rolling over and over again in his mind. He didn't even realized he called until the phone clicked.</p><p>"Was I just a replacement for Nanase?"</p><p>"What?" He yawned. "What are you talking about?"</p><p>"Ikuya, you know what I mean." He felt he was losing grip of his voice and damn it, he wasn't going to cry now, not yet. </p><p>"Hiyori, please. It's late. You're being ridiculous." </p><p>"How am I ridiculous?" </p><p>"It's almost midnight. Shouldn't you be asleep?"</p><p> Hiyori ignored him, fingernails digging into palms, "You were moping about Nanase for months and despite everything I've done-" </p><p>Ikuya cut him off, "I never asked you to do those things." </p><p>"But you didn't stop me either!"</p><p>Silence. </p><p>"You know, you're right. I guess I was the one out of line, huh? It's never <i> you </i> who makes a mistake." He cringed at how bitter he sounded. </p><p>"Hiyori." His voice was stern, a warning. Hiyori paid it no heed. </p><p>"Ikuya," He took a deep breath, "There's something I want, no, need to ask you. It's been on my mind for a while but it's difficult to say."  </p><p>"Then maybe you shouldn't say it, at least not on the phone."</p><p>
  <i> 'That's why I called you. I knew I wouldn't be able to say it to your face.' </i>
</p><p>"When you're with me, d-do you think about Haru?"</p><p>Immediately, he said, "That's a dumb question."</p><p>"When I say 'with' I don't just mean hanging out, I mean when we-"</p><p>"I know what you mean and it's ridiculous!" He could hear the sheets rustling, Ikuya's voice raising louder, "We've been together too damn long-"</p><p>"That's not a no."</p><p>Sighing, "Hiyori, you're smarter than this."</p><p>"Just answer the <i> goddamned </i>  question." He choked out, tears falling from his eyes. "When you kiss me...touch me like I'm a piece of meat, is it because you're wishing I was Haru?  Do you fantasize about him, yes or no?" Another time and place he would be astounded by the volume of his voice, how he never gets this angry, especially at Ikuya but all he could see was callow, ugly resentment. That <i> look </i> was like a picture in his brain that just wouldn't erase.</p><p>Silence. </p><p> "Well, you probably would've treated him better than me, right? Been gentle when he asked?"</p><p>More silence.</p><p> He laughed bitterly, "Even now, you can't be honest with me. If I'm not who you want, then why did you start this 'thing' with me?" He waited for a beat but all he could hear was Ikuya's breathing, "Don't you have something to say?"</p><p>"Hiyori, you know there's nothing going on between me and Haru." It was that voice again, the one that made <i> him </i> feel like the idiot, like he was stupid.</p><p>"That doesn't answer my question. In fact, I guess it confirms it. Goodbye, Ikuya." </p><p>He hung up, tossing his phone to side-not caring where it landed. He was too numb to cry and too angry to yell. His long term boyfriend (likely ex) was infatuated with another man, probably for the entire duration of their relationship. He felt sick, disgusted and most of all- used. Was he just a body for Ikuya to put his frustrations on? And even if he was jumping to conclusions, Ikuya did nothing to abate his accusations. Maybe that funny feeling in his gut was right all along.</p><p>Maybe they weren't meant to be after all.</p><p>---<br/>
The only bright side to their breakup was that Hiyori had the sense to do it on Friday night, so he wouldn't have to face Ikuya until Monday at practice. It was going to be hell but at least he had some time to prepare.</p><p>Normally, his Saturdays were full with studying, shopping or cleaning his dorm but he didn't have the energy to even get out of bed. He ate instant ramen for meals and left his phone unread.</p><p>Around 5 o'clock the next day, he heard a soft knock at his door. He sighed inwardly, wishing he had other friends, someone else who might be on the other side. But he knew who it was. Who it always was.</p><p>"Hiyori, please open the door." Ikuya said, "We should talk." </p><p>Hiyori ignored him, grabbing his towel and headed to the bathroom. He needed a shower anyway, sitting in his own filth for 2 days wasn't going to do anyone any good. The hot water drained away some of his anxiety but it left him feeling like an empty puddle. </p><p>When he came out, Ikuya was there, sitting tensely on his sofa. His hair was tied back and he was wearing the ratty sweatshirt from their high school, the letters barely legible. Multiple times, Hiyori offered to buy him a new one but Ikuya insisted that he preferred the old one. Considering their current situation, the symbolism was hard to ignore.</p><p><i> 'Shit, I forgot he had a key.' </i> </p><p>He braved a glance at his face from the corner of his eye and he looked like shit, eyes red from crying- probably not today but from the night before. Hiyori was annoyed with himself for even noticing that.</p><p>"I'm not in love with Haru." He started, "I just admire him. Maybe I could see how you'd get it confused but we're just friends, nothing more." </p><p>Hiyori listened, stunned by the doorway. He hadn't expected the conversation to start so bluntly. He might as well return the favor.</p><p>"Do you want to sleep with him?" </p><p>"Hiyori." He replied sternly. They still weren't looking at each other and maybe that's why Hiyori felt so bold.</p><p>"Is that why you're so distant with me? Because I'm not good enough?"</p><p>"That's absurd-"</p><p>"You keep saying how crazy I am but you don't answer my questions. If you're not in love with him, do you want to sleep with him?"</p><p>"Why do you assume I want to sleep with him? </p><p>He slumped, "You look at him differently. Softer, longingly, I don't know! I don't know how to describe it but it's different than when you're with me. You don't look at me like that, Ikuya. I don't think you ever have." </p><p>They both looked down to the floor.</p><p>He continued, ignoring the lump in his throat. "At first, I ignored it- thinking it was petty jealousy and I wanted to be the bigger person. And really I do! But last night, nothing you said contradicts me at all. Just be honest <i> please." </i> </p><p>"Okay." </p><p>"Do you love me? Like, are you in love with me?"</p><p>"Yes... I think so." </p><p>"You think so?"</p><p>A pause. "I don't know. I never really thought about it."</p><p>"You don't know." He said it more as a statement than a question. "Did you ever really want me?"</p><p> Ikuya leaped up, facing him, "Of course! Why would I date you if I didn't want you?" He walked into Hiyori space, face desperate and full of anguish. Hiyori could barely look at him.</p><p>"Because I was there. Because I listened to you and cared for you," He exhaled, breath shaky, "B-because you know how much I love you. How much I've always loved you." </p><p>Angry, "That's not fair, Hiyori. You don't give me any credit. I care about you so much." </p><p>"I know but-"</p><p>"There's no but. The Haru thing is over,  everything is back to normal, we can-" </p><p>He whispered, "We have to end this." </p><p>"No." Ikuya shook his head, "We're not ending it like this. Not over your insecurities or over Haru. Those things don't matter and they shouldn't- "</p><p>"They do matter! Why would you want to stay? With or without Haru, you haven't been happy in months. And honestly, neither have I." </p><p>Hysterical, "No, no, no. Stop it! We are going through a rough patch. Couples go through rough patches. It's normal."</p><p>"A rough patch?"</p><p>"Yes! Couples grow apart but with hard work they can come back together." </p><p>"Ikuya, I don't think this is a normal rough patch." He said, sadly.</p><p>"How would you know?" He gritted his teeth. "What do you have to compare us to?"</p><p>"I don't." </p><p>"Then this could be normal." He grasped his hands, leaning in for a hug. "I know I haven't been around that much. You feel a little neglected right?" He said, kissing each hand.  </p><p>The kiss was languid, like Ikuya was tasting him for the first time and Hiyori wanted to enjoy it but something was nagging him. Something just wasn't right. </p><p>"Ikuya, we can always be friends. I'll still be in your life." </p><p>"Stop it, Hiyori!"</p><p>"Ok, I will stop it. But, only if you can look me in the eye and honestly say you don't have feelings for Haru." Ikuya gasped,  "Then we can move past it." His eyes widened in disbelief. Hiyori continued, "I'll forgive and forget, we can find a new normal. We can start fresh. We can even forget this argument. " </p><p>"Hiyori..."</p><p>"But you have to say that. I can't accept anything less."</p><p>Ikuya looked at the ground, shaking his head. "Hiyori, I-"</p><p>"Look at me." </p><p>It felt like eternity but eventually Ikuya looked up, face tear-stained.</p><p>"I'm so <i> sorry.</i>"</p><p>He grabbed Hiyori in a tight bear hug but Hiyori all could think about was how Ikuya had never hugged him like that before.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Kirishima Natsuya</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"You look more upset than tired. Is it about you and Ikuya?"</p><p>Hiyori stiffened. He just dropped Ikuya from his mind, content with the light buzz from the Campari and soda but here he was being mentioned again against his will. "What about him?"</p><p>"Something happened between you two." It wasn't a question and the way Natsuya was looking at him made him feel like he knew way more then he was letting on.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Breaking up with Ikuya was the hardest decision Hiyori had ever made, but deep down, he knew it was the right one. He didn't really know what real love felt like, but he at least knew that this wasn't it. Being his boyfriend's emotional chew toy took its toll. And while a part of him wanted to keep it up, he just didn't have the energy anymore. If Ikuya truly wanted someone else, he didn't want to stand in his way. He did have a smidgen of pride after all.</p><p>This new stage in their relationship did leave Hiyori on edge. He felt lonely at the oddest hours and would daydream about Ikuya's hands on him, just so he could feel something. His thoughts weren't romantic or sexual most of the time, they were just wanting to hold his hand again or get a hug, cuddle on the sofa or make dinner together. But then he remembered how <i> rare </i> those moments were, how distant the real Ikuya was most of the time and those fantasies vanished. With those harsh facts, it was easier to remember why he made the sacrifice to begin with.</p><p>Anyway, it was more important to him to stay friends even if that friendship was difficult. And boy was it difficult.</p><p>The transition from 'boyfriend who was mostly used for emotional or physical support' to 'best friend with decent but still unhealthy boundaries' was a tough one. The week following their breakup, Ikuya ignored him completely; at breakfast, in class, and worst of all, at practice. Everyone could tell and days later when coach pulled him aside to complain about his piss poor performance, he decided to forget about Ikuya altogether and focus on himself.</p><p>Except that wasn't easy either. </p><p>He hadn't focused on anyone but Ikuya for years. He had neglected himself to the point of not remembering what his life was like before Ikuya. Who was he outside of their relationship? What were his interests, motivations, dreams? When was the last time he really enjoyed swimming? <i> Why </i> did he swim?</p><p>These questions swam in his mind like buzzing jellyfish and instead of crying every night like he wanted to, he decided to write them all down, filling his notebook with the random thoughts he had during the day. Soon, one notebook wasn't enough and 3 journals later, he finally felt lighter. </p><p>By book 5, his thoughts were less random and more like diary entries, recording his accomplishments throughout the day: finishing a homework assignment, not eating that extra cookie, or just feeling good to be alive. That last one was the hardest one to write.</p><p>---</p><p>It was a few weeks later, nose deep in a book, that Hiyori got a random phone call from an old friend.</p><p>"Hey, Hiyori! Whattcha up to?" </p><p>"H-hey, Natsuya. What's going on?" He tried to sound less surprised than he felt. Since he no longer had to send Natsuya updates about Ikuya's condition, he hadn't spoken to the man in weeks.</p><p>"I'm good." There was a lot of noise in the background, like Natsuya was inside a club or bar. "Let me cut to the chase. I'm having some issues with my boarding situation, I was hoping that I could crash at your place tonight?"</p><p>"Sure you can. Um, welcome back home." leaving the 'Why aren't you calling Ikuya instead of me?' question to himself.</p><p>"Thank you!" </p><p>"No problem. I'll send you the address." </p><p>In an anxiety-induced haze, Hiyori cleaned his already clean room, organized his bathroom and took out some noodles to make spaghetti. He hadn't spoken to anyone one-on-one in weeks, at least not on a personal level. Physically, Hiyori looked the same but emotionally he has been a wreck and Natsuya, despite his nomadic ways, was great at seeing through people, especially him.  </p><p>"Yo!" He greeted, patting Hiyori on the back roughly. He was smiling broadly but his eyes were a little puffy, possibly from jet lag, Hiyori thought.</p><p>"Yo, yourself." He said, returning the gesture awkwardly. </p><p>Natsuya made his way into the room, laying his bag carelessly by the sofa. "Thanks for letting me crash here. I only need the couch for tonight." </p><p>"Of course, I made it out for you. Are you hungry or thirsty? I have tea and I just put some spaghetti on the stove but if you want something else I can-"</p><p> Natusya laughed, "Relax, bro. I'll take a coffee if you have any."</p><p>Hiyori glanced at the clock. <i> 'At this hour?' </i>   Out loud he said, "Sure."</p><p>He made the coffee quickly, avoiding Natsuya's gaze. Ikuya and Natsuya were fairly close but he doubted Ikuya told them about their relationship or their breakup. He wanted to make things look as normal as possible.</p><p>"Here you are. I have a little milk and some sugar but no cream. Sorry." </p><p>"No big deal. I prefer it black anyway." He shrugged, looking Hiyori over. </p><p>"Did you want a plate of spaghetti?" He tried not to cringe at how loud his voice sounded.</p><p>"Still mother-henning? Don't change, Hiyori." He laughed. Hiyori did know what to say to that. Change of topic was best. </p><p>"How was Italy? I heard it's beautiful." He said, sitting down across from him.</p><p>"Oh, Italy? Yeah, it is. It's a little cold right now so I didn't go to any beaches but the food is fantastic. So is the liquor. You should go sometime." </p><p>"Yeah, I'd love to see the architecture."</p><p>"You have a thing for architecture? Well, you should see-" </p><p>They chatted for a while about travel, school, and of course, swimming. Hiyori kept his tone light and switched from topic to topic with ease. Natsuya had always been easy to talk to and since he was always abroad, he always had something new to say. And the best part was that for once they were talking about something that wasn't Ikuya. Thank God for that. </p><p>"As thanks for letting me crash, I want to share what I bought from Italy with you. I brought some Campari if you want to try some?" </p><p>"Oh, okay. Why not?" Hiyori knew very little about liquor, especially foreign liquor but... the bottle looked pretty with its orange and red undertones.  </p><p>"Great! But we have to make it properly, the way the Italians do it." </p><p>They gathered the ice, orange slices and soda water to make a very simple drink. "What's it called?" </p><p>Natsuya chuckled, "Campari and soda. Unique name right?"</p><p>"It's beautiful." And it was. The liquor was naturally red but with combination of soda water and orange, gave it a deeper pigment. Hiyori admired it for a moment, hesitate to even taste it. </p><p>"You always liked a good presentation, don't you?" He winked. </p><p>Hiyori's face warmed, "Uh, yeah." He took a sip of his drink, scrunching up his face, "It's more bitter than I expected."</p><p>"I know, right? Try squeezing more of the orange slice in, you might like it more." </p><p>Hiyori tried it, lighting up, "Oh, it's even better. Thank you, Natsuya." </p><p>"No need to thank me."</p><p>They sat, sipping their drinks for while as the TV murmured in the background. He felt mostly sober but there was a small swishing in his brain, alerting him that he wasn't 100%. It was a nice feeling and the more he drank, the more relaxed he felt. </p><p>"Me and Nao broke up." There goes his relaxtion. </p><p>Hiyori paused, "I didn't know you were together." </p><p>"Well, it wasn't a completely normal relationship. I wouldn't say he was my boyfriend, but he was my person, you know?" </p><p>Hiyori did not know. </p><p>"We sorta had an open relationship, since I'm never around and he's so busy with school." He shrugged, "I'd date around but when I come home, we'd.. be together." Natusya sighed, "But, shit, I guess he got tired of it. That's why I called you so late tonight."  </p><p>Hiyori let that information sink, unsure what to say. He had a small suspicion about their relationship but not enough evidence to think much of it. To hear it confirmed made him a little jumpy, like he learned a secret he shouldn't have.</p><p>"You didn't have to explain yourself. You're always welcome."</p><p>"Yeah. And of course, if you ever come to where I am, you're welcome to stay. That goes without saying I hope."</p><p>"Right. Thank you." Hiyori stretched a leg, "Is that why you needed a place to stay tonight?"</p><p>"He was letting me stay the rest of my break here but staying at his place was... too difficult so I left. If Ikuya wasn't out this weekend, I would've stayed with him. Sorry again for being a bum on your sofa."</p><p><i> 'Ikuya's out tonight? With Haru?' </i> He scolded himself,  <i> 'It's none of my business.' </i> </p><p>"Hiyori are you alright?" </p><p>The question swam lazily in his brain and it took him a moment to compose himself and answer, "Yeah. Just tired."</p><p>"You look more upset than tired. Is it about you and Ikuya?"</p><p>Hiyori stiffened. He just dropped Ikuya from his mind, content with the light buzz from the Campari and soda but here he was being mentioned again against his will. "What about him?"</p><p>"Something happened between you two." It wasn't a question and the way Natsuya was looking at him made him feel like he knew way more then he was letting on. </p><p>Hiyori grabbed more liquor, anxious, "I don't know what you mean." </p><p>Natsuya sighed, "Hiyori, I know you guys were an item. No need to be coy." </p><p>Nearly dropping the bottle, Hiyori inwardly panicked. How could he have possibly known about their relationship? He was certain they were discreet and Ikuya would've told him if he confided in Natsuya, right? And even if he did, he probably wouldn't want Hiyori blabbing their business to his big brother. Him and Natsuya were cool but Ikuya and Natsuya always had some weird tension between them- a sibling rivalry that he never could understand or relate to.   </p><p>What was the best way to respond? Act dumb? Pretend he didn't hear him or ignore the question altogether? He was almost an adult, he didn't have to answer questions that he didn't want to but he had known Natsuya for years, lying really wasn't an option.</p><p>"I can literally see your thoughts, Hiyori. Relax. Ikuya didn't tell me, I was smart enough to figure it out on my own, believe it or not." He said, rolling his eyes. His gaze was softer, not accusatory.</p><p>That news calmed his heartbeat but only for a second, "How?" </p><p>"There was no one thing or some genius 'Aha!' moment of clarity; I kinda just sensed it. I mean, he went to your house like everyday of the school year for <i> years</i>." </p><p>"That doesn't mean anything." Hiyori protested. </p><p>"You were always by each other's side." </p><p>"We were best friends-" </p><p>"I saw you kiss once." </p><p> Hiyori gasped, "You did not!" </p><p> Natsuya laughed, loud and ugly, "Calm down, okay? I'm just fucking with you. You should see the look on your face!"</p><p>Hiyori grinned awkwardly, chugging the rest of his glass. Of course Natsuya was joking. Only he knew that Ikuya would only kiss him in complete privacy, on his own time and in his own way.  That reminder hit a little too close to home, making the alcohol taste bitter in his mouth. "I should be heading to bed. If you need anything let me know." He sat the glass on the table.</p><p>"I'm sorry. Don't go." Natsuya whined. "I'll be good."</p><p>"It's okay."</p><p>"I'm sorry, Hiyori. It's clearly not okay. I can be a dick sometimes, you know that."</p><p>"You're fine." He said stiffly. </p><p>"No more jokes. Let's just finish this bottle." Natsuya smiled softly at him, reminding him of how Ikuya looked those nights when he was shy and wanted something. It made his heart twist.</p><p>"Alright." </p><p>After another glass, Hiyori felt lighter, almost light enough to float away but it wasn't a good feeling. Alcohol normally made people fade away, their problems a distant memory but for him, it just made his worries double, his heartache even more clear.  </p><p>"Woah, what's wrong?" </p><p>He touched his face, fingers wet with tears. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I think I'm a little drunk." He stood up, swaying slightly. </p><p>"Woah, careful. Here sit back down." </p><p>Hiyori obeyed, clumsily clanking his glass on the table. He sniffed, rubbing his stinging eyes. He was annoyed and embarrassed, he never wanted Natsuya to see him like this. "I don't know why I'm crying." </p><p> Giving him a knowing look, "Are you sure you don't know?" </p><p>Hiyori looked up at Natsuya, admiring the red rim around his eyes, "You were crying today too, weren't you?" </p><p>His eyes widened in surprise, before answering truthfully, "Yes, I was. I'm not made of stone, Hiyori. No one is." He said, handing Hiyori a tissue. "I'm all ears if you want to share but it's okay if you don't. No pressure." </p><p>Hiyori had always admired Natsuya: for his swimming talent yes, but also for his confidence and unfaltering honesty. If there was anyone he could talk to about this, even for just one night, it would be him.</p><p> Staring at the floor, "You might as well know. Me and Ikuya... broke up." </p><p>Natsuya sighed, "Hiyori, I'm sorry." </p><p> Braving a glance, "Did you already know?" </p><p>Natsuya shook his head, "No, Ikuya didn't tell me anything about you two dating. But he's been very snippy with me lately so I figured something happened, though I wouldn't have guessed this. I'm sorry to hear it."</p><p>Hiyori nodded, slurring, grateful that he didn't have to have this conversation completely sober, "And we barely talk now, he won't look at me. Not that I blame him but It's awful. It's just... the worse. I feel like shit, total shit."</p><p>Natsuya scooted around the table, putting an arm around him, "Hey, that's normal but it'll pass."</p><p> Hiyori barely noticed his presence, preoccupied with how his mouth wouldn't stop moving and how his pain was spilling over and bleeding onto his cheap dorm room floor. "I ended it.  I just... never felt like I was enough, you know? Like he was putting his frustrations on me and for a long time, I just... let him. He never really loved me or <i> knew me</i>, he just tolerated me." 

</p><p> Natsuya gripped him tighter but not unkindly, "Hiyori, my brother can be a little shit but he cares about you. You know that, right? Give him a little credit."

</p><p> Hiyori looked at him, vision still swimming but he could sense Natsuya's gaze, firm and assuring, "Right." His stomach sunk, embarrassed like he was being scolded. Natsuya knew nothing about their <i>real </i> relationship, but he wasn't going to argue with him. And he definitely didn't want to make Ikuya look bad by tattle-telling on him. The last thing he needed was Natsuya and Ikuya fighting about him. Not for the first time, he really wished he had another friend to confide in.</p><p>
  <i> 'I really need to make my own friends.' </i>
</p><p>"I never thought you'd try to get us back together." He said eventually. The words felt like lead in his mouth and his chest burned with light annoyance.</p><p>"I'm not. I'm just making an observation." He replied, sighing wistfully, "Listen. I have no idea what happened between you two. But you have to do what's best for you, not Ikuya."</p><p>Dully, "Yeah, right. Of course." </p><p>"I'm serious. I know the last couple of years I've pressured you to watch out for him but I never meant for you to lose yourself."</p><p>In his tipsy mind, he was briefly aware that Natsuya was being humble. He never wanted to make him feel bad so he disagreed, "You weren't here so you needed someone to keep a lookout. I know that."</p><p>"But looking back, I realize that wasn't your job." Hiyori jolted, facing the other man, returning his gaze. That was unexpected. "You were a kid too and it wasn't your responsibility to keep tabs on Ikuya all the time, was it? Or maybe I should've been more clear and had you two look out for each other. Damn, I never thought about it like that! Shit, I really fucked that up."</p><p>
  "I'm sorry, Hiyori. I'm really, really sorry. Will you forgive me?"
</p><p>Hiyori gasped, overwhelmed by such an admission. A part of him always knew his relationship with the Kirishima brothers wasn't healthy but to have Natsuya admit to it, it was too much. Hiyori nodded, resting his face in his lap, "Of course I forgive you. I just wanted to be enough for him." Looking in Natusya's eyes, "Why wasn't I good enough?" </p><p>The dam broke and Hiyori collapsed into deep sobs as Natsuya wrapped his arms around him. Shushing him,  "Let it all out." Natsuya listened to his cries, cradling Hiyori into his chest. "It'll be alright."  </p><p>"I love him so much but it fucking hurts, too. I wish I was different, I wish-"</p><p>"Hiyori! Don't you dare finish that sentence. You are more than enough and someone else can't make you whole." </p><p>"What would you know?" He asked petulantly, "You've always been so independent. Never needing anyone like I do. I'm pathetic." </p><p>Natsuya smiled sadly, rubbing the back of Hiyori's neck, "Let's just say, we have more in common that you think." </p><p>Hiyori observed him wide-eyed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."</p><p>"Hiyori, you're fine. You'll <i> be </i> fine. It hurts like hell now but one day, you'll see how much you've grown."</p><p>He blurted, "I wish I could go with you."</p><p>"Nah, you're much stronger than I am. I don't have the strength to stay."</p><p>---<br/>
That night, Hiyori slept fitfully, tossing and turning in his bed. He could hear Natsuya snoring in the other room and Hiyori was briefly envious of him. His head throbbed and he was sure he'd be hungover in the morning but his heart felt lighter. </p><p>He still loved Ikuya and probably always would but he would he have to put himself first to ever get over him. And maybe, just maybe they could be friends again.</p><p>---</p><p>The days go on and Hiyori makes the most of his situation. His talk with Natsuya reminded Hiyori of the small things. The ways his life didn't revolve around Ikuya and the freedom that came with it. He started cooking the foods he hadn't made in ages because Ikuya couldn't stand the smell, he caught up on TV programs he used to not have time for and read just for the sake of reading.</p><p>Sometimes he cried when a particular scent or memory reminded him of life before the breakup but eventually, his tears would dry and life would continue. Seeing Ikuya wasn't as hard as before, just a small ache instead of an open wound.</p><p>Slowly, they started talking to each other again but it was nowhere near the co-dependence it was before and that was something Hiyori was grateful for.</p><p>---<br/>
He awoke from his nap by the dinging of his doorbell. He tensed, slightly annoyed that he knew who it was immediately. Nervous, he straightened his hair before welcoming his vistor. 

"Hey." </p><p>"Ikuya! Hey, what a surprise." </p><p>"I'm sorry for dropping unannounced but may I come in?" </p><p>"Yes, of course." </p><p>Ikuya looked more like his regular self, sweatpants and a t-shirt. His hair was tidy and hadn't looked like he had been crying recently. Hiyori was impressed that he could say the same for himself. Ikuya stopped near his sofa, standing awkwardly in the corner.</p><p>"Hiyori, I need to apologize." </p><p>"You don't have to."</p><p>"Just let me- Please let me finish." </p><p>Hiyori nodded, gesturing for Ikuya to sit.</p><p>Ikuya smiled tensely, wringing his hands in a gesture Hiyori was used to seeing on himself. "I'm so sorry for everything. I haven't been very kind to you, have I?"</p><p>"Ikuya-"</p><p>"That was a rhetorical question. I mean to say that yes, I haven't been kind to you. As a friend but especially as a boyfriend. I was a pretty shitty boyfriend." </p><p>"These last couple of weeks allowed me to reflect a lot about our relationship and I realized that I was very selfish. All I did was take, never considering your feelings or what you wanted. And the stuff with Haru, it just... it wasn't fair to you."</p><p>"I'm not in love with Haru, but I had some unresolved feelings that I had to work out. I was angry with you for calling me out, pointing out something that I've been avoiding since childhood. But it was wrong of me to take my frustrations out on you. You have to know that I do love and care for you. You were a great boyfriend. Way more than I deserved. I'm sorry for hurting you. Could you, would ever forgive me?" </p><p>Hiyori smiled, discarding the memory of how Natsuya's apology made him feel overwhelmed and uneasy. But Ikuya's made him feel relieved like a plant who got an extra bit of sunlight; not necessary but appreciated. "Thank you, Ikuya. And yes, I accept your apology."</p><p>Ikuya smiled brightly before frowning, "There's one other thing I mean to say sorry for. In bed-"</p><p>"Ikuya, please. I already forgave you." </p><p>"Hiyori, please just let me say this and we can drop it forever." Hiyori nodded uneasy. </p><p>"In bed, I was very...aggressive with you. I'm sorry for that. Truly." </p><p>"Okay. Thank you." </p><p>They stood their awkardly, Hiyori staring at the floor and Ikuya staring at Hiyori. "Hiyori, do you think we could ever be friends again? Maybe not now but in the future?"</p><p>Finally, an easy conversation, "Like I said, we will always be friends, Ikuya." </p><p>"You still want to be my friend?"</p><p>"Ikuya, all I've wanted is to be your friend."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I originally wanted a kissing scene between Hiyori and Natsuya but I couldn't add it in naturally. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Oh well. I still liked how it turned out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Kinjou Kaede</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"I want you all the time," Kaede growled, pushing his against the dresser. </p><p>Hiyori gasped, too wired to argue, "Yes, please."</p><p>Hiyori reunites with Kaede Kinjou.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter will be a lot steamer than the previous two. Proceed with caution. ☺<br/>---<br/>I had a lot of fun writing this chapter even though canon has virtually told us nothing about Kaede. Haha. So sorry about the liberties on his personality and what he likes to do. This is fanfiction after all so just have fun!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaede Kinjou remembers him a lot more than Hiyori gave him credit for. Their encounters in middle school were nothing special and Hiyori would've completely forgotten who he was entirely if it wasn't for Kinjou's tight grip on his shoulder that day. </p><p>From then on, he avoided Kaede like the plague but like most people in his life, they came boomeranging back. </p><p> A weekend later, he was walking to a bookstore that he had his eye on for weeks when he saw Kinjou again. His bright orange hair was easy to spot even on the sunniest of days. He was leaning against the rails that led to the subway, undistracted like he was waiting for someone. The path was tight and it would be impossible to walk past him without being noticed. Hiyori contemplated his options, was it worth it to walk past him to get to his destination? </p><p>He nodded to himself, forcing his legs to move. He wasn't actually afraid of Kinjou but he hated confrontations. With his head held high and his eyes focused ahead, he strolled to his destination. He was almost there when a voice stopped.</p><p>"Hey, Tono! Are you any good in English?"</p><p>The question was so random that he was tempted to find a Q-tip to clean his ears out and make sure he heard correctly. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" </p><p>"I said, are you good in English? You have to be right? Didn't you live abroad or sumthin?" </p><p>Hiyori nodded, "Yeah, what of it?"</p><p>"Well, if I paid you, would you tutor me? I'm majorly failing English."</p><p>Hiyori cocked his head, "Depends, how much are you offering?" </p><p>"How's 2000 yen an hour?"</p><p>Hiyori stared at him. "2000 yen? You need a tutor that bad?"</p><p>Kinjou smiled at him, nodding.</p><p>"I understand that but why me? We don't even go to the same school." </p><p>"Like I said, you speak English already. But if it's too much of a problem-" </p><p>"No, it's fine. I can only do Sundays. We can meet at 2. We'll talk about a location later." </p><p>"Bossy, aren't you?" He smirked.</p><p>Hiyori raised an eyebrow in reply, "Well, if that doesn't work for you-" </p><p>"No, it's fine. See you then. With that, Kinjou left almost as quickly as he came, leaving Hiyori befuddled.</p><p>---<br/>
The first few study sessions were at various cafes around the city. Since he was spending his Sundays helping Kinjou, he figured he could at least get something good out of it. Today, he ordered a strawberry smoothie with cream, absentmindedly twirling his straw as he watched Kaede make another error on his homework.</p><p>"You're doing that wrong. 'Go' is an irregular verb in the past tense, you need to change it to 'went'." He said. </p><p>"Fuck, English is so confusing. The whole past tense is a nightmare. How will I remember all these verb changes?" </p><p>Hiyori didn't disagree. English was pretty challenging to him at times even though he lived abroad. A lot of words didn't sound like how they were spelled and remembering what articles to use and what words were singular or plural would drive anyone nuts. He was naturally gifted in languages but he couldn't fault Kaede for being confused. </p><p>"Yeah, but this chart I made should help. I color coded it. Red are the verbs that don't change, blue are the ones that just need -ed at the end and green are the ones that change completely."  He handed Kinjou the chart, taking a sip of his smoothie. </p><p>"You really like whip cream on your drinks, don't you?" Kaede smirked. </p><p> Hiyori raising an eyebrow said, "Depends on the drink. Plus, whip cream is free." </p><p>"Oh- ho." He sneered.  </p><p>"Shut up." Hiyori blushed. "You're so immature. How did you get into college?"</p><p>"My charming looks and personality, of course." </p><p>"Of course." </p><p>It didn't take long for Hiyori to tolerate Kinjou's personality. He was snarky which Hiyori appreciated because he could always snark back. It felt like a long time since he could utilize his sarcasm.</p><p>"So, Tono, do you prefer sweet or sour drinks?" </p><p>"Sweet." </p><p>"Hm, I thought you were into the sour variety, being with Kirishima and all." </p><p>"Do you have a point?"</p><p>"No, not really. I just noticed you're not following Kirishima around as much anymore. What, you two had a fight?" </p><p>Hiyori had a million thoughts in his head and none of them felt like great answers. He didn't owe this man anything and he was too tired and disinterested in jibes to really humor him. </p><p>"So what if we did? Friends fight." He shrugged. He couldn't deny that things between him and Ikuya had been awkward but most people ignored it. Kinjou, virtually a stranger, mentioning it felt like someone picking at an old scab. Most of the pain was gone but if you poked it, it would bleed.</p><p>"Yeah, sure but I figured that even if it was Kirishima's fault, you'd still be all over him. Now, I don't see you around him at all."  </p><p>That was true. Hiyori and Ikuya both agreed that some space was needed and even though they had made up, they weren't joined at the hip anymore. Ikuya deciding to focus more on school and Hiyori trying different club activities with Kisumi throughout the week. They still saw each other at practice and when they had classes together but they hadn't done anything beyond that yet. The breakup was still a little fresh and Hiyori was content with re-building their friendship at a slow pace.</p><p>"People change." He said matter-of-factly but inside he was reeling.  What did he know about his relationship with Ikuya? How was his life any of his business?  </p><p>Kinjou's eyes widened in surprise. "Is that so?" His grin would've been unnerving if he wasn't used to Kinjou's odd facial expressions. Instead he just felt irritated. </p><p>"Yes. I answered your question so get back to your homework. Failure isn't a good look." He said in crisp English,  "Your past tense is awful." </p><p>---</p><p>A month passed since the study sessions had begun and Hiyori was less annoyed with Kinjou and more intrigued. When they weren't trading hostilities, Kaede was surprisingly thoughtful. He always showed up on time and besides a few smart-ass remarks, he was an attentive student and fast learner. He brought small sweets along with the yen he was paying for the lessons and most surprising of all was that he quite was generous. </p><p>"You don't have to pay for my drinks too. It's not necessary." Hiyori said one chilly Sunday morning.  </p><p>"Does everything someone does have to be necessary? Can't I buy you a drink because I want to?" </p><p>He didn't want to say, <i> 'No one else has really wanted to. Why should you?' </i>  but he didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Thanks, I guess." </p><p> Sticking his tongue out, "You're welcome, I guess." </p><p>---</p><p>
  <i> "Do you mind if we study at my place today? I twisted my ankle." </i>

</p><p>Hiyori cringed. <i> "How did that happen?" </i> </p><p><i> "Let's just say that night time jogging and concrete don't mix." </i> </p><p> <i> "Yikes, sorry hear that. We can meet up at your place. Send me your address." </i></p><p>
 Hiyori was a little excited to see Kinjou's apartment. Would it be messy or really organized? Would he have a lot of knickknacks or swimming trophies on his shelf? It was a little embarrassing to admit but he couldn't think of another time someone had invited him to their place. Not since Ikuya of course. 
 
</p><p>
 Kinjou's place was small, as expected, and a little messy, something Hiyori also expected. What he didn't expect was to see a large bookcase full of DVDs. 
</p><p>"You're a cinephile?" </p><p>"Hm? Oh, kinda. I've just collected a lot of movies over the years and watched them when I can. But now," gesturing to his leg, "I have a little more free time." </p><p>"How long will it take for it to heal?"</p><p>"The doctor says rest about three weeks. No swimming for at least 4. Can you imagine?" </p><p>Hiyori could actually. "I wouldn't mind a small break." </p><p>"What? Are you crazy? I already miss the water." He flapped flamboyantly on the couch.</p><p>"No, don't get me wrong, I love swimming! It's just been a little bit of a chore lately, I guess." </p><p>Kinjou stared at him, "A chore? You're getting tired of it?" </p><p>"I don't know. It's more a habit than a desire, I guess. It's routine to go to the pool but when I was a kid, I could only go a few times a month so I savored it. I kinda miss that feeling." </p><p>Kinjou hummed, "My dad had this backyard pool and I was always splashing in it when I visited. I drove my mom crazy asking her to take me to the pool. Honestly, I can't remember a time I wasn't in the water." </p><p>Hiyori smiled, placing his textbooks on the table.</p><p>"We should start studying." </p><p>"Yeah, sure." </p><p>The clock on the wall ticked as they studied or while Kinjou studied. Hiyori was slightly distracted by the deep V of his shirt and how flattering his hair looked when it was down. </p><p><i> 'Now is so not the time for these kind of thoughts.' </i> It had been burning steadily in him for weeks, the attraction that was growing like unwanted weeds. It was hard to ignore when the man was sitting prettily in front of him.</p><p>"Oh! Did you want some coffee or something? Sorry no fancy drinks here."</p><p>Hiyori smiled, "No, I'm okay. We're almost finished anyway." </p><p>"So, Tono, do you want to watch a movie or something? I can even order a pizza."</p><p>Hiyori paused, observing the time on the wall. It wasn't late, he had some extra time to spare.</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>They decided on a film that Hiyori had never heard of in his entire life but Kaede convinced him was life-changing. "I swear you're going to love this. There is a twist so good there's no way you'd see it coming." </p><p>"I'll take your word for it." </p><p>When the pizza came, Hiyori relaxed a little, sitting on the far end of the sofa. So he was a little attracted to Kaede (<i>'Now I'm calling him Kaede?' </i>) that's not a big deal. He's been attracted to people before...maybe. It's normal. They've been spending a lot of time together and Kaede's presence wasn't unwelcome. He was a little weird but he was funny and got him out of the house at least once per weekend...And if he did find his confidence and lazy smile a little sexy, then that was his business. Nobody had to know about it.  </p><p>He could ignore it. After all, he was used to ignoring things until they exploded in his face. </p><p>The movie was pretty good if you asked Hiyori. It wasn't particularly deep but it had humor that surprised a laugh out of him a few times. Kinjou gave plenty of commentary, complimenting the cinematography to the costumes that characters wore. He had opinions about everything but instead of being annoyed, Hiyori was... having fun.</p><p>"Are you an aspiring film major?" He inquires, "You know a lot about cinematography."  </p><p>"Me?" Kinjou waves that thought away. "No, not dedicated enough but I love the art of it. I used to take pictures of random shit all the time. My high school friends hated it. Probably because I was always taking candid photos." </p><p>"Uh, gross. I hate candid pictures. I always look terrible." </p><p>"I doubt that, Tono."</p><p>Hiyori felt that twinge again, something light his chest but he absolutely <i> refused </i> to blush.</p><p>But when Kaede grinned at him, offering the last slice of pizza, Hiyori felt this warmth that he hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe that's what gave him the gall to ask his next question. "Kinjou-kun, are you into guys?" </p><p>Kinjou gawks, "Uh, where did that come from?" </p><p>Hiyori flinched, "It's just you comment on the actor's looks a lot."</p><p>"Well, yeah! Don't you think he's hot?"</p><p>Hiyori looks, unimpressed. The main actor was tall with broad shoulders and huge muscles which are stereotypically attractive but his body was nothing like the physique of a swimmer. Plus, his character was clumsy and idiotic, two traits Hiyori never found sexy. </p><p>"He's okay." </p><p>"Oh, he's not hot enough for you?  What's your type then?" </p><p>"I don't think I have one. Never thought about it." </p><p>"Oh, come on. You haven't seen one celebrity or some random person on the street and thought, 'Oh, I'd hit that' even in passing?" </p><p>"No." </p><p>"Not even a teammate or someone in competitive swimming?" </p><p>"Not really, is that strange?" Hiyori sometimes found other swimmers attractive but not in a sexual way. More in 'He's aesthetically pleasing' kind of way.</p><p>"Not strange per se, just cute I guess. We're surrounded by all these swimmers with perfect bodies and nothing naughty crosses your mind? You must have super high standards or a very low sex drive."</p><p>Surprised, Hiyori laughs a little bitterly. He doesn't want to admit that he only had eyes for Ikuya and back then when could look at Ikuya that way, he was afraid to look too long or get too close. It wasn't a pleasant memory.<br/>
"Maybe I do." </p><p>"Well, what about me? Do you think I'm hot? Sexy? Attractive?" He winks, making an exaggerated flex with his left arm. </p><p>"If you want me to compliment you, you'll have to do better than that." </p><p>Kaede scooted in, almost predatory, "That wasn't a no. Tell me how sexy you think I am and you might get something out of it." </p><p>Curious, "Something like what? Another shitty movie?" </p><p>" First of all, this is not a shitty movie- it's art!." Hiyori rolls his eyes, amused. "And if you tell me and you'll find out for yourself."</p><p>Hiyori laughs, "Well, you look better than that guy." </p><p>Kinjou turns to the screen, "Hey! That's a Martian!" He squawks, "Of course I look better than a fucking Martian!" </p><p>Hiyori sputters, bursting into a hearty laugh, holding his stomach with glee, "A-are you sure?"</p><p>"Oh, fuck you!" Kinjou whines. </p><p>"I'm sorry but you set yourself up." He takes a sip of his water, his laughter fading away, "If I told you that you're aren't ugly, would you shut up and let me finish watching this dumb movie?"</p><p>"Yes!" </p><p>He grabs his hand, all serious, "Okay. Kinjou-san, you are not as ugly as a Martian."</p><p>"Oh, wow. Thanks. I would've never known if it wasn't for you."</p><p>"You're welcome." </p><p>The finish the movie in peace and Hiyori feels light-hearted by the end of it.</p><p>"So, what'd you think?"</p><p>"You got me, the ending was amazing." </p><p>"Told you! You have to have more faith." </p><p>"But it was a pretty dull beginning but by the mid-way point it picked up." </p><p>"Fine, fine. You have to admit that this was a good choice." </p><p>"Good might be stretching it but sure, if it makes you feel better." </p><p>---</p><p>From there they make a routine; they study then watch a movie and get takeout. Kinjou explains nerdy cinematography facts while Hiyori complains about the lack of plot and character development. It's a fun, almost steady routine. Even after Kinjou's ankle heals they continue studying at his place. </p><p>"How'd it feel to get back in the pool? Was it everything you hoped for?" </p><p>"Better. I felt like a fish who came back home. A bird who could sing again. A kite that-"</p><p>"I get it," Hiyori giggles, "You're whole again." He winced as is knee bumped the edge of the table. He rubbed it, leaning over to check if left a bruise.</p><p>Kinjou chased the movement with his eyes. "Or something like that."</p><p>Kinjou smiled at him, a small grin that made him look young and playful. </p><p>"Why are you looking at me like that?"</p><p>"There's something I said I'd do once my ankle was fixed."</p><p>"Oh?" </p><p>"Yeah. Come here."</p><p>The first kiss was surprisingly gentle, so much so that Hiyori wondered if he imagined it. He felt mildly disappointed.
</p><p>"What are you doing?" He whispered. </p><p>"I'm kissing you, obviously. You're awful dense, you know that?" </p><p>"No, I mean-" Hiyori sighed in frustration, "You don't have to be so soft." </p><p>Kaede observed for a moment, studying Hiyori's body language. Satisfied, he grinned.</p><p>"Oh, don't worry, I'll push you around in a little bit," He kissed him again, nothing more than a peck. "But I like to take my time. So relax and enjoy." </p><p>"But-"</p><p>Kaede shushed him, dragging Hiyori to the sofa, leaving their bags near the table. "Come here," He beckoned, patting the cushion next to him. Hiyori reluctantly walked over, suddenly self-conscious and shy. Although he wanted this, he felt a small wave of anxiety. It felt like forever since he had last kissed someone or felt like someone wanted to kiss him.</p><p>And to be treated like this...like the pleasure was mutual was so foreign to him.</p><p>The next kiss was also soft and gentle like a pillow. Their mouths moved together in tandem and time passed easily. Hiyori felt like a cloud, just floating away from a few simple kisses from an orange-man with a little too much attitude. He felt his anxiety melt away with his drifting thoughts and he was surprised by how quickly he was getting turned on. Kaede's hands weren't even on him yet and he felt aroused. 

He gasped when Kaede's tongue gingerly licked him, asking permission to enter his mouth.  He obeyed, letting his tongue sweep over Kaede's, too curious to stop now. He had no thoughts in his head as they kissed, wanting to melt into Kaede's ministrations. </p><p>Eventually, they broke apart, Hiyori briefly chasing his lips, already missing the feeling. Kaede looked as flushed as he felt, neck red and breath hot against him. </p><p>"That was hot. We should do that again." </p><p>Hiyori couldn't help but agree.</p><p>---<br/>
Nothing really changed after the kiss. Hiyori continued his tutoring and they watched a movie and ate dinner as usual. Sometimes, they made out while the movie glowed in the background. </p><p>Hiyori really liked it but he <i> burned </i> for more.</p><p>---<br/>
"What's the matter?" Kaede asked, </p><p>"Nothing, I'm fine."</p><p>"You're a little restless."</p><p>"No, I'm not."</p><p>"Tono, you're a shitty liar. And it's killing my buzz so just get out with it." </p><p>"It's nothing."</p><p>"If you want something, just ask." </p><p>Hiyori blushed, rubbing the back of his neck and eyes to the floor. "Can you--pull my hair a little next time we kiss?" </p><p>Kaede gulped, nodding quickly, "Can next time be right now?"</p><p>-2 weeks later-<br/>
</p><p>"I want you all the time," Kaede growled, pushing him against the dresser.</p><p>Hiyori gasped, too wired to argue, "Yes, please."</p><p>Hiyori's head bumped against the wall but he didn't care as his shirt was finally out of the way and he could feel Kaede's skin against his. He had seen hundreds of other swimmers' bodies but none were like Kaede's in Hiyori's mind. It was lean and full of muscle with not an ounce of fat on him but there was a softness to his caresses like he was just as curious as Hiyori.  His nails dug into Hiyori's thighs and he wanted to remember this feeling forever.</p><p>"Hurry, hurry already," He whined, reaching for the other man's belt buckle. </p><p>"I'm trying but your damn zipper won't budge!" he growled. </p><p>"Fuck, okay. Hold on." He pushed Kaede back a little for some leverage, hands shaking as he reached for his zipper. It was slightly stuck and he cursed himself for wearing zipped pants today of all days. After a few wiggles, he got it, and before he could even unzip all the way, Kaede's hands were in his shorts, stroking him roughly.  </p><p>"Oh! <i>oh! </i>" Hiyori felt a tremor of pleasure from Kaede's calloused hands on him. This wasn't a completely new feeling to him but it made him jolt all the same. Hiyori feeling empowered enough to touch Kaede more intimately made him greedy, wanting everything the other man offered. He would normally be appalled by his behavior but his lust was stronger than his sense. 

He hadn't touched himself all week just he so could have this moment. </p><p>"Touch me, too." said Kaede, rutting against him. They kissed roughly for a moment before Hiyori obeyed. </p><p>"Yes, yes." Dazed, he pushed Kaede's sweatpants down, wrapping his hand around the other man's prick. It was so slick that he didn't even need lube to really get Kaede going. He swore, eyes glazed as he watched their hands quickly stroke each other. Their body heat was suffocating him but the smell of sweat and sex in the air was driving him crazy. He felt high off it, loving the power he had over Kaede's pleasure.</p><p>"Stop smirking, you asshole." Kaede groaned, eyes half-lidded. It was so sexy that Hiyori bit his lip in retaliation ."Ow, you bastard." He grinned, "You kinky shit. You'll regret that."</p><p>Suddenly, the pace was brutally fast and Hiyori knew he wasn't going to last long. "Ah, Oh! Fuck!"  He groaned. "Ah, Kaede fuck. Y-your hands..."</p><p>"You like that?" Kaede grinned, slowing his pace, twisting his hand in a way to make Hiyori see stars.</p><p>"Yes, oh yes, oh yes!" He chanted, trying to match his stroke with Kaede's. He was so close and if Kaede could keep that pace just a little longer... </p><p>"God, you're so hot when you lose it like this." Kaede groaned, eyes barely open. "I want to put my fingers inside you, making you writhe. I'm gonna make you come so hard, you won't ever jack off again without thinking of me." </p><p>Hiyori shivered, moaning loudly, nodding in agreement. "Yea, I want that. C-can you do that?" He would've never asked for it himself but since Kaede was offering...</p><p>"Jesus, Tono." He kissed Hiyori's neck roughly. "You're so- uh, just turn around!" </p><p>"But what about you-?"</p><p>"Worry about me later, turn around." He replied gruffly. </p><p>He gripped his dresser, jumping at the feeling of Kaede's nails in his ass. He groaned at the pressure, wondering if he could possibly get any harder. "Fuck." he whispered. He had never felt more desired in his life, watching Kaede lick his lips from his bedroom mirror.</p><p>"Will you spread your legs more?" </p><p>Hiyori blushed, "Kaede..." He whined, blushing.  </p><p>"You won't regret it, I promise." Hiyori obliged, too horny to think about it. He trusted Kaede but mostly he just wanted to <i> feel <i>. </i></i></p><p>Kaede rubbed his ass more, kissing each cheek briefly, spreading him wider and wider. He had barely pressed his tongue gently in his parted hole and Hiyori's reaction was instantaneous.</p><p>"Aw, oh my gawd! K-Kaede, please!" </p><p>"God, you're so impatient! You won't let me take my time for shit." But he wasn't really mad, he was trembling with glee. As much as he liked getting off, nothing excited him more than seeing a sexual partner lose their shit at his ministrations and Hiyori's reactions were rank level S in his book. </p><p>"Next time, I promise.  Just touch me already." </p><p>"Really? You'll be good next time?" Hiyori nodded wildly. He was too far gone. </p><p>"Alright then. Give me the lube." Hiyori rushed to his bedside table, blind by his sheer lust to feel someone's fingers beside his own. He hadn't really fingered himself much but if the research he did online was accurate, it should feel incredible.</p><p>"Matter of fact, get on the bed. It'll be better that way." Kaede commanded. He wanted to cool down for a second anyway, trying to make this last as long as possible. He wasn't used to having someone this excited and if it never happened again, he wanted to savor every second.</p><p>"Okay." Hiyori sighed in relief, quickly shoving his comforter down and laid face down on his sheets. He removed his shirt and glasses and then looked back at Kaede impatiently. </p><p>"Eager, aren't we?" Kaede whispered, gulping at the pale ass staring back at him.  Hiyori was a surprisingly greedy lover in bed, nothing like the self-sacrificing goody-two-shoes he was in public. He just wanted to <i> take <i> whatever Kaede was offering and seemed to have no shame about it whatsoever. </i></i></p><p>"Are you always such a slut?" </p><p>"Only when I don't get what I want."</p><p>Kaede laughed, laying a quick smack on Hiyori's bare ass. The yelp was also hilarious and he was nothing short of fascinated and also... so completely screwed. He had no intentions of having this much fun with someone as nerdy as Hiyori Tono.  <i> 'Never judge a book by its cover, indeed.' </i> </p><p>"Stop staring already." Hiyori was flushed and needy under him, it was near impossible to not stare.  </p><p>"If only you could only see yourself." He crawled up to Hiyori, loosening his shirt as he got cozy behind him. His pants were on the floor but he left his underwear on but he was starting to regret it. "So, Tono, how far do you want to take this?" </p><p>Hiyori rubbed his face, "Fingers for now."  He wouldn't reach Kaede's gaze, but Kaede could feel his body tense slightly. Nervous. </p><p>"Fair enough." Kaede hummed, warming the lube on his fingers. He was impressed that he got this far so soon anyway. "I'm here to please." </p><p>Before Hiyori could respond, he felt the tip of Kaede's middle finger, making him tense up. </p><p>"Relax," He mumbled, leaving messy kisses on Hiyori's back. "This will feel real good, I promise." </p><p>Hiyori sighed, head on his pillow. He felt a tinge of shame now, his erection going down from the slight discomfort. He wiggled at the foreign finger entering him, hoping to feel everything and think nothing. The finger was warm inside him, slightly bigger than his own. </p><p>----</p><p>He pushed a little too the left, searching for that special place...</p><p>"Oh, my God!" He chanted,  "Fuck, fucking fuck!" Hiyori screamed into his pillow, body shaking uncontrollably.  A sharp ache went straight to Kaede's dick and he briefly wondered if he could come from Hiyori's moans alone. He was much louder in bed than he expected. </p><p>"Shhh, I got you." said Kaede breathlessly. Hiyori moaned into his pillow again, pushing greedily around his fingers. <i>'Man, he's really into to it.' </i>  </p><p>"Have you never been touched here?"</p><p>Hiyori gasped again, shaking his head, "No, fuck but I wish I had." </p><p>"What a waste. Don't worry, this is just the beginning." </p><p>Hiyori groaned again, arching up into him in the lewdest way. Kaede forced himself to concentrate on the other's man pleasure, intoxicated by his reactions. His dick was aching to be engulfed into that heat but had the restraint to ignore it. He curled his fingers more and the other man's reaction was incredible.</p><p>"Kaede, Kaede, oh Kaede!" Holy shit.  He was <i> screaming <i> in his pillow, rutting shamelessly against Kaede's hand and it was so hot, Hiyori was so hot that Kaede was afraid to blink in case he missed something.</i></i></p><p>"Harder, please. Let me<i> feel <i> it." He whined. He was whining! Kaede was speechless and saw no reason to hold back.</i></i></p><p>
 "Fuck. Just--yes. I'll give you what you want. Hold on."  He wasn't even going that hard or fast but Hiyori was gagging for it. He matched each of his strokes and was cursing a storm. He was so fucking loud even with the pillow stuffed in his mouth. 
</p><p>
  Kaede felt he was going to burst into flames if he had to listen to any more of the filth coming out of Hiyori's mouth. He reached forward, wrapping his hand around the other man's hard dick, stroking him with purpose. His other hand pressed harder on his prostate and listened to every moan, gasp, and whimper that leaked out of him.
</p><p> But surprisingly, when he came he was quiet. He stilled like he was shocked by eels and released all over his hand. Kaede couldn't see his face, but the amount of shaking that Hiyori was doing told him he did a good job. He went limp, breathing hard and collapsing on his tiny dorm room bed. 
</p><p>Kaede cleaned his hand off with the sheet, before collapsing next to him. His hand was slightly cramping but he couldn't have been more pleased with his performance. He wanted to touch himself  but he was a patient man. If his suspicions were correct, Hiyori was still a giver at the end of the day. </p><p>Swiftly, Hiyori grabbed him for a kiss, whispering a small "Thank you" as his tongue licked his mouth. His face was flushed, hair a sweaty mess but Kaede never found him sexier. He grabbed his ass in response, deepening the kiss. </p><p>"It's my pleasure."</p><p>They made out for a while until Hiyori's hand gingerly slid down his stomach. He looked at Kaede shyly before wrapping his hand around his length. He looked happy, relieved, and <i> completely </i> trashed. His hair was a mess and they were both so sweaty and so tired but it was still so amazing.</p><p>
  He touched Kaede everywhere he could like he couldn't get enough. 

</p><p>"Twist your hand a little, Tono. Come on, make me come." He sighed, guiding Hiyori to kiss his neck. Hiyori obliged, rubbing against him, whispering, "Is it good? Tell me <i> I'm <i> good," He said raspily into his ear but it might as well have been to his dick. He was this close to coming and it was all because of the shy boy beside him.</i></i></p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>Kaede gasped, seeing the lust in his eyes. "Yes, you're so good at this. Made for it. You're my little slut." His face burned and although Hiyori wasn't fully hard yet, it'd only be a matter of time before he'd be ready for round two.</p><p>Hiyori whined, stroking him faster, eager to see Kaede let go. And it didn't take long, his orgasm unsurprisingly quick. They both panted, resting the afterglow.</p><p>"Holy shit." </p><p>Hiyori laughed, sweaty and spent beside him.</p><p>"Yeah, exactly. We didn't study any English today."</p><p>They both laughed.</p><p>----</p><p>The next few days went by in a blur to Hiyori. He went to class, swim practice, and studied with Ikuya like normal. He turned in his assignments on time and ate on schedule. But everything felt different to him. </p><p>
His encounters with Kaede on Sundays were the highlight of his week; the only time he could really let go and not think. He was learning so much about his body and the sheer amount of pleasure he got from just being <i> touched <i> was indescribable. His senses felt heightened and now he was always craving some physical contact, sexual or otherwise. </i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
Growing up, he didn't get a lot of hugs or kisses and it wasn't really something he noticed until recently. Before Kaede, he got a few pats on the back at swim practice, or a tap on the shoulder from a teammate when they wanted his attention. Even when they were dating, Ikuya gave him the quickest hugs when departing, nothing that lasted more than a few seconds. Nothing intimate or long-lasting, like Ikuya's attention was elsewhere. 

</p><p>
Now that he was hooking up with Kaede, he was sure he could never go back to that.  </p><p>When they were alone, Kaede touched him everywhere, any way he wanted and for as long as he wanted. Kissing was actually fun and he never felt pressured to do more than he felt comfortable with. They kissed on the couch, in bed, against the wall, or just anywhere that was convenient at the moment. And even after hooking up, Kaede left feather touches on his back that he still felt hours later. This was nothing more than a physical relationship but he felt like he was getting so much out of it.</p><p>

He hated comparing Ikuya to Kaede all the time, they were very different people but when he was alone, thoughts floating, he sometimes wondered why he never demanded more. 

</p><p>
With Ikuya, Hiyori felt nothing but powerless, accepting whatever he was lucky enough to receive. Every touch was on Ikuya's schedule which was also dependent on his mood. They didn't hug or cuddle often, Ikuya too impatient to sit still. He was rough most of the time and never thought to ask what Hiyori wanted. He loved to take and for the most part, Hiyori wanted to please him. 

</p><p>But Kaede was a <i> giver </i>. He studied how Hiyori's body reacted and would respond accordingly. Kaede's personality screamed "I do what I want" but in bed, he screamed "I do what you want" and nothing turned Hiyori on more. 

</p><p>---</p><p>They still hadn't gone all the way, but they were damn close. Every time they messed around, it felt closer and closer to the edge, to the real point of no return. But for once in his life, Hiyori wasn't scared to be vulnerable. He wanted to do more things with Kaede and as reckless as it was, he was addicted to how Kaede wanted him. He looked at him like he was a 5-course meal when most of his life he felt like a TV dinner. </p><p>How could he resist?</p><p>---</p><p>

Hiyori watched a ladybug land on Ikuya's windowsill as they reviewed some notes for their math class. "Are you free on Sunday?" Ikuya asked, "We haven't caught a movie in a while." 
</p><p>Hiyori almost raised an eyebrow in surprise since he and Ikuya could never agree on a movie in the past. </p><p>"Uh, sorry, I am. I guess Saturday's out of the question?" </p><p>"Yeah, I'm meeting up with the guys." He didn't have to say "The Iwatobi guys" for Hiyori to get the hint. But there was no need, Hiyori wasn't as jealous as he was before but it hurt a little that Ikuya was still walking on eggshells around him. </p><p>"Sounds good. I hope you have fun."</p><p>"Thanks." He coughed, "You've been pretty unavailable on Sundays lately. Busy?"</p><p>Hiyori hesitates, debating on the best course of action. Lying would do him no good since he was a terrible liar and he didn't want to break Ikuya's trust any more than necessary. Plus, they were just starting to get comfortable with each other again. Admitting the tutoring part was nothing compared to all the other 'things' he did with Kaede. </p><p>"I've been tutoring Kinjou-kun on Sundays." He settles on, tone light, taking a sip of his coffee.  </p><p>"Wait, what?" Ikuya sounds surprised but Hiyori doesn't dare look at his face. He could already picture it; his eyebrows raised and furrowing, "That's what's been taking up your Sundays for the last couple of weeks? <i> Kaede Kinjou?" </i>
</p><p>It had been 2 months since he started hooking up with Kaede and even longer since he started tutoring him but he wasn't going to point out Ikuya's lack of observation skills now out of all times. </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Why?" Hiyori almost laughed at how confused Ikuya sounded but he knew better. Ikuya was never the teasing type, at least not with him. </p><p>Plus, even if Hiyori was a socially adapted person, telling your ex-boyfriend/renewed best friend, "I'm getting sucked off by the guy that we thought hated me" wouldn't get a positive reaction from anyone.</p><p>"For the money. It was easier than looking for other work."  Which was true, although his ass was screaming from the extra 'work' he had been doing lately.</p><p>Ikuya stared, clearly disturbed. "I don't like him. It doesn't bother you how he -" </p><p>"That's in the past. And he doesn't frighten me in the slightest, Ikuya. You have nothing to worry about." He smiled, eyes closed and mouth wide. It was his normal, 'I'm unbothered, everything's fine' smile but he wasn't sure if he could fool Ikuya with it.</p><p>"Well, if he lays another hand on you like he did last time-"</p><p>"He won't.  "</p><p>
  <i>'At least not in the way you think.' </i> He thought. 
</p><p>---</p><p>"You wanna take me out on a date?" Hiyori pondered after a particularly healthy round of blowjobs. He was still on his orgasm high but Kaede's question was steadily sobering him up.  </p><p>"Yeah, why is that so weird?" replied Kaede. He wasn't really looking at him, rolling over to get a tissue. They were sticky and naked but Hiyori was more distracted by the flush of Kaede's cheeks. It wasn't the orgasm that had him flustered.</p><p>"Why is th-- because we never do anything besides study and have sex!" He stuttered. He glanced down at Kaede, who still wouldn't look at him. </p><p>"And that's great, don't get me wrong but we should do more stuff. Boyfriends do more than just fuck, don't you think? " Kaede asked leaving Hiyori completely stunned.</p><p>
  <i> 'Boyfriends?!' </i>
</p><p>Had he misread the situation? Was there some signal he missed that said they were dating? Obviously, sex was something that couples did but there were friends (at best) who did it only for fun. What was that phrase again? Something in English. Friends with beneficials? No, that wasn't right. Maybe they really should've been studying all this time. </p><p>
  <i>'Or maybe I'm really bad at communicating with people.' </i>
</p><p> "Well, first of all, I don't know if what we do is considered 'fucking'." He said using air quotes, making Kaede roll his eyes. "And secondly, I wouldn't know." He settled on, laying his head next to Kaede's. </p><p>"Why not? Kirishima didn't take you out?" He asked, facing him now and looking genuinely curious. His hair was a mess, sticking in every direction but it was cute. Maybe it was the softness in Kaede's eyes or the afterglow that made Hiyori want to open up for once. Or the orgasm....whatever, semantics.</p><p>"We just didn't have that kind of relationship. I mean, he was my boyfriend but mostly by title. We didn't hold hands or go on dates as normal couples do.We were pretty young anyway, we didn't think about it, I guess."  </p><p>Kaede scoffed, "Sure." </p><p> Hiyori continued, "Everything was secret back then. We didn't feel comfortable with other people knowing so we kept it hush."</p><p>"We? Or was it just him?" Kaede scooted up, wrapping his arm around Hiyori's naked waist. He shivered, pleased.</p><p>Hiyori pondered the question, leaning into Kaede's embrace. He never really thought about it like that. He was so consumed with what Ikuya was comfortable with that he never considered what his own needs and wants were. He was never a public person but he wouldn't have been too shy to take Ikuya out or hold his hand. There was a lot they never did and part of it may have been internalized homophobia or something more complicated. But he didn't have the brain compacity to think about it all right now.   </p><p>"I think I just wanted what he wanted." He sighed, glancing at Kaede. "Pathetic, right?" </p><p>"Well, maybe but you were young. We all do stupid shit when we're young. We're in college now, so we can do what we want, right?" He said it more as a statement than a question. "There are plenty of gay people on campus and nobody bats an eye at them. It's not a big deal." </p><p>Hiyori hummed in agreement.</p><p>Kaede wasn't lying. He saw a few programs centered around LGBT+ people around campus and queer couples holding hands. Plus, they lived in Tokyo, a city with millions of people, not the small town he grew up in. If they dated, it wouldn't be big news to anyone but the people he knew and that number was pretty small anyway. </p><p>But, Japan was nowhere near as liberal as other countries. This wasn't America, but he got Kaede's point. They wouldn't have to hide their relationship if they didn't want to. It wouldn't be the end of the world. </p><p> "I guess so." </p><p>Kaede scooted up, twisting his torso to face Hiyori.</p><p>"Tono, my point is that we can do whatever we want- what <i> you </i> want. But just this," gesturing his hand to their naked bodies, "isn't good enough for me. I don't hide my relationships and if we're going to continue, we have to communicate." </p><p>"Really?" </p><p>"Yes. Ergo, you're cut off until you give me an answer. I can't keep giving it away for free anyhow." </p><p>Hiyori exhaled in surprise, "I'm cut off? Please! You're the one who can't keep his hands to himself. We haven't studied English in weeks!" </p><p>"Yeah, well things are different now," He pouted, "I'm serious, let's go out."  </p><p>Hiyori stared at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. It was almost the same look he gave him before they kissed except it wasn't full of lust, it was softer, maybe more genuine. It wasn't that dating hadn't crossed his mind, he just didn't think Kaede would insist on it first. With the stress of school and swim club, dating seemed like a hassle. But, he couldn't deny that spending time with Kaede was the most fun he had in weeks, even when they weren't sleeping together. </p><p>"Let me think about it." </p><p>"Ah, what's to think about? You don't think I'd be a good boyfriend?"</p><p>"I have no idea what kind of boyfriend you would be, that's why I need to think about it!" </p><p>"Fine, fine." </p><p>"And this wasn't romantic, by the way. You can't just demand we date without a confession. I know that much." Hiyori smirked.</p><p>Kaede leaped on top of him, "Hiyori-chan, I like you. Do you want to be my boyfriend?" </p><p>"Okay, okay. You got me!" He giggled. "Let's try it."</p><p>"By the way, let's not talk about our exes in bed like ever again." </p><p>"Deal."</p><p>---</p><p>Dating Kaede was way more fun than he expected. For their first date, they went to an amusement park and while Hiyori was scared shitless on the big rides, he had a great time. They ate tons of fried food and took pictures next to all the sites.</p><p>They didn't hold hands or make a big show of it, but Kaede's presence was large enough to make up for it; his stride and the way talked to Hiyori made him feel special and wanted.</p><p>When the fireworks were over and they both made it home to their respective dorms, Hiyori could safely say he had a blast.</p><p>But there was a small part nagging him. Telling Ikuya.</p><p>---</p><p>"Are you alright? You've been on that same page for 10 minutes. Is it that difficult?"</p><p>"What?" There were in Hiyori's room, preparing for midterms. He should've been preparing for his history exam but he felt this strange sense of guilt. "Oh, no. I'm okay."</p><p>"You sure? You've been pretty out of it lately." The concerned look on Ikuya's face was almost too much forhim to bare.</p><p>"Actually, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."</p><p>"Oh?" </p><p>"About Kinjou." </p><p> Tense, "Did he--?"</p><p>He chuckles nervously, "No, the opposite actually." </p><p>"I... don't understand."</p><p>"I'm seeing him. W-we're dating." </p><p>Silence. </p><p>"Why are you telling me this?" </p><p>"Because w-"</p><p>"Do you want to hurt me? Rub it in? I know that it's only been a year but still!" </p><p>Hiyori whispered, "Would you preferred that I lied?" And because he felt particularly bold, "Would you have preferred I kept it a secret?" - <i> 'like you kept me?' </i>  </p><p> Ikuya frowned, lip trembling, "R-right. Well, whatever. If you've already moved on, it's none of my business." </p><p>"Ikuya, wait!" The sweater Ikuya's wearing is quite soft, he thinks, loosening his grip, "I'm not asking you to be happy for me or get along with Kinjou-I'm not asking for anything. I just wanted- for once, I wanted us to be honest with each other. I don't like...keeping things from you."  </p><p>Ikuya falters, shoulders slumped "I get it, Hiyori." </p><p>And with that, he walks out the door.</p><p>---</p><p>Things between him and Ikuya remain awkward for a few days. No where near the awkwardness after their breakup but there was still tension that Hiyori hated. They still ate breakfast and went to practice together but Ikuya was quiet, sullen. But by Friday, Ikuya was in a more favorable mood when he pulled Hiyori to the side. </p><p>"Sorry, I was a jerk." </p><p>"No, you're not a jerk." </p><p>"You want to tell me about your new boyfriend and I couldn't even stay to listen. Sounds like a jerk to me." </p><p>He says quickly, "That's fair. I didn't expect you to jump for joy. I understand why you're mad." </p><p>Ikuya observes him for a moment before speaking, "Maybe. Anyway, congratulations. I'm guessing he's not an asshole anymore?" </p><p>Hiyori laughs, relieved, "No, he's not." </p><p>"And he's treating you right?" </p><p>"Yes, big brother, he is."</p><p>Ikuya startles as he laughs, smile soft, "Good." </p><p>---</p><p>"So." </p><p>"So?" </p><p>"Are you sure you want to do this?" </p><p>"Kaede-" </p><p>"No taking it back once it's in there." </p><p>"Kaede, I'm sure." </p><p>"Okay." </p><p>Kaede sticks the DVD in his player and pushes play. "Lord of the Rings is going to change your life, I swear. The plot, the characters, the camera work? And the shots of New Zealand... are to <i> die </i> for." </p><p>Hiyori grins, settling into the sofa. "Can anything really be that visually interesting for 9 hours?" </p><p>"Besides me? Not really. But this movie manages anyway." </p><p>After the movie starts, Kaede commentates as per usual and Hiyori is listening but not to what's he's saying but to his libido. When he talks about films, he whispers and the passion from his voice makes him want to swim in it. </p><p>Fingers snapping in his face withdraw him from his fantasy.</p><p>"Are you paying attention?" Kaede frowns.</p><p>"Yes, of course." He says, sliding his hand on Kaede's thigh. It had been a little while since they fooled around and movies always seemed to get them going. </p><p>"Hey, if you're not going to take it seriously, I'll stop it." </p><p>"Sorry." He pouts. "I'll be good." He squeezes his thigh, withdrawing his hand slowly. </p><p>---</p><p>5 months into their relationship, some of the passion had fanned and routine settled in. Since they went to different schools, they only had time to meet on the weekends. Hiyori didn't mind though, he was a creature of habit and having to wait to see Kaede made the sex even more passionate. </p><p>"Turn over."</p><p> "You should ask nicely." Hiyori teases. </p><p>Kaede looks at him, smirking gleefully. Then he leans over, caressing his ankles before firmly flipping him over. A loud gasp escaped Hiyori's throat as one hand grabs his ass and the other pulls his hair. </p><p>"Ask, you say?" Kaede murmurs, "You think you run something here?"</p><p>Mind cloudy with desire, Hiyori lets out a half laugh, half groan. "Yes."</p><p>"Is that so? Let me prove you wrong." Kaede moves the hand from his hair, massaging the inner part of his thighs.  Hiyori shudders, letting his desire wash over him. He loves this part, <i> loved </i> the way Kaede takes over and unglues him piece by piece.</p><p>"You give it up so nicely. Almost politely, don't you Tono?" He continues, pleased. "If only people knew how much of a slut you really are." </p><p>Hiyori's face flushes red, turned on by the thought of someone seeming him like this. He buries his head in the pillow, whimpering at the sound of the lube cap being opened. </p><p>"The first time we did this, you could barely control yourself. Couldn't even wait until I was all the way inside. It was so fucking hot." Two slicked fingers thrust into Hiyori in swift motion. He keens, letting his moans fill the room with each thrust from his boyfriend. He was feeling every touch like he was being electrocuted. </p><p>"Don't come before I put it in, alright?" </p><p>Hiyori whines, backing into Kaede's touch. </p><p>"Did you hear me? That's an order." He slaps an ass cheek, making Hiyori jump in agreement. </p><p>"Yes, Kaede! I won't come. I promise." </p><p>Kaede leans over to lick the hot spot behind his ear, "Good boy."</p><p>Hiyori whines from the praise, raising his hips as Kaede thrusts into him slowly. He concentrates on not climaxing, glancing at the clock on the wall to the stripped pattern of Kaede's sheets. He bites his cheek, resisting the urge to grab his length and finish the job. Suddenly, a rush in his groin makes him panic, "Kaede, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come!"</p><p>Kaede stops his finger, unrolling the condom, "Alright. Turn over." </p><p>"Kaede-please, I need- <i> please. </i>"</p><p>"Shh. Do it and I'll give it you, I'll give to you so good." </p><p>Hiyori hastily turns over, legs spread and before he could ask again, Kaede had his dick lined up, plunging deep into him.  </p><p>"You're so fucking hot." </p><p>Hiyori garbles incoherently, letting himself get fucked into the mattress. This was what he wanted, what he had been craving for all week. Hiyori screams when Kaede swifts his hips, targeting his prostate. He can't hold back his sobs while his nipples are being pinched and his legs are lifted onto Kaede's shoulders.<br/>
</p><p>He leans in closer, stretching him in ways he didn't know were possible, whispering dirty nothings in his ear and he wants the pleasure to never end.</p><p>He could feel him everywhere and he still wanted <i> more. </i>   </p><p>The more he screams, the more Kaede gives and he takes it all, placing both legs on his shoulders. </p><p>"Fuck," Kaede gasps, completely thrown off balance. "You greedy fucker. Hold on." </p><p>He grabs both ass cheeks, pauses before withdrawing and plunging back in at a slow but steady rhythm. Hiyori yells, vaguely aware of the banging from the headboard thumping against the wall. Neither of them care, too filled with the rising pleasure of ecstasy.</p><p>"Touch me- touch me." Hiyori begs, grinding his hips against Kaede's. </p><p>"Yes. Fuck." Kaede obliges, watching Hiyori's body spasm uncontrollably from the contact. Kaede's orgasm shortly follows, watching the blissful look on his boyfriend's face before collapsing on top of him.</p><p>They breathed heavily in silence for a long time before either of them could move. Eventually, Kaede lifts himself up enough to wipe some of the hair out of Hiyori's sweaty face.  </p><p>"Are you alright?" He asks, still panting, "Did I break you?" </p><p>"In the best way possible." He grins, voice raspy. "Come here." </p><p>Kaede smiles, returning the kiss sloppily.</p><p>---<br/>
"You're kind of a control freak, you know that?" They are sitting at Kaede's kitchen table, debating what to do for the evening.</p><p>"Yeah, right. That's you all over." </p><p>Hiyori falters, "You never want to try anything new. We always do what you want to do, which by the way isn't much!" </p><p>"As opposed to what you want to do? You haven't given me any great ideas worth leaving the house for."</p><p>"The history exhibit for starters."</p><p>"I hate museums. I told you that." </p><p>"You haven't been to one in ages, maybe you're mind has changed since then."</p><p>"I doubt it."</p><p>Hiyori grits his teeth, "What about the play near my school center? The tickets were cheap but you didn't even want to know what it's about."  </p><p>"They're cheap because nobody wants to see a bunch of college students make a fool of themselves on stage."  </p><p>" And the basketball club? You came once and pouted the entire time. You didn't even give it a chance."</p><p>"First of all, I hate basketball. Secondly, that pink-haired kid couldn't take his eyes off you. If I go back and see that sappy look on his face again, I'd probably punch him out!"</p><p>"You're ridiculous. Kisumi is my friend. Don't talk about him like that. He doesn't see me that way."</p><p>Kaede scoffs, "How would you know how someone sees you? It took weeks for you to realize that I liked you."</p><p>"You mean outside of the quips and sarcasm? Excuse me for not reading the cues." </p><p>Kaede concedes, "Fine, maybe I didn't wear a sign on my shirt that screamed my affections. That doesn't change my thoughts on your little friend." </p><p>Hiyori rolls his eyes, "Whatever. We still haven't decided what to do today and no it can not be watching another movie." </p><p>"You never complained before." </p><p>"Yes, I have! Last week." </p><p>"Oh, right then we fooled around." He sighs,  "Fine, let's go out to eat or get a drink at the cafe. We can decide on something there." </p><p>"Okay."</p><p>They go to Hiyori's favorite cafe near Kaede's apartment, a quiet one with lots of flowers and greenery. Two large fish tanks decorate the center of the room, giving it an aquatic-tropical feel. The booths were small and his legs cramped a little if he stayed too long but he loved their coffees so he figured it was a fair trade. </p><p>"Here, I got you today's special." </p><p>"Thanks." </p><p>Kaede scoots in beside him, leaving no space between them. "I'm sorry for yelling earlier." </p><p>"No, you're fine." </p><p>"You say that a lot. Do you really mean it?" </p><p>Hiyori thinks, watching a clownfish swim into it's castle, "Yes. I'm not mad. I just want us to try new things. Go out more, you know? You once said that we could do whatever we want, so why not do that?" </p><p>Kaede smiles, "Yeah, those were pretty wise words. Glad to see you pay attention." </p><p>"So, what of it? What are we going to do today?" </p><p>They settle on window shopping in Akihabara and visiting the Sega Center. Hiyori sucks at video games but they still had fun playing taiko no tatsujin, a popular drum game. He finally feels he's getting the hang of it when a familiar voice calls out to him.  </p><p>"Hiyori?"</p><p>"Kisumi! Hey, how are you?"</p><p>"I'm doing pretty well. Busy with school but-"  </p><p>"Hey." Kaede saunters in like a hawk, wrapping a firm arm around Hiyori's waist. </p><p>"Uh, hey." Kisumi looks confused but politely continues, "How are you?" </p><p>"I'm great." He replies cheekily. "Just hanging out with my best guy."  </p><p>Hiyori watches stunned, the blush rushing to his cheeks. It was obvious to anyone within a mile radius that Kaede was marking his territory. Kisumi looks shocked and why wouldn't he? Hiyori barely knew what to say his damn self.</p><p>Eventually he says weakly, "You've remember Kinjou-kun, right? At basketball club?" </p><p>"Yes, I remember." Kisumi nods.</p><p>Kaede interrupts again, "We're on a date so if you don't mind..." </p><p> "Yeah, sure sorry! We'll catch up later, Hiyori." Kisumi steps back, practically high tailing it out of there.  </p><p>"What the fuck was that?"</p><p>"What? He was interrupting our date!"</p><p>"You were so rude. That was so embarrassing!"</p><p>"What, you're embarrassed to be seen with me?"</p><p>"Now you're putting words in my mouth. You know what I mean."</p><p>"No, I don't."</p><p>"You didn't have to make him so uncomfortable."</p><p>"Maybe he wasn't the one who was uncomfortable."</p><p>"What is that supposed to mean?" </p><p>"You know exactly what I mean. This isn't the first time you tensed up when I put my arm around you in public."</p><p>Hiyori, speechless, grabs his bag and heads outside. The tiles of the building  cool his back but do nothing for the anger he feels in his chest. He rakes his hand through his hair, willing himself to breathe. It could've been seconds or minutes before he feels Kaede's arm rest against his.</p><p>"Do you want to get something to eat?"</p><p>"No, I think I'm going to head home." </p><p>"Suit yourself." He hesitates, placing a chaste kiss on Hiyori's forehead. "I'll call you later."</p><p>Hiyori watches as Kaede leaves but he felt nothing but relief with a dash of anger.</p><p>---</p><p> Two days later, Hiyori's phone pinged with a message from Kaede. </p><p><i> "Want to get some ice-cream after practice? I'm buying." </i> </p><p>
  <i> "Ice-cream? It's freezing outside." </i>
</p><p><i> "Hot cocoa, then." </i> </p><p>Hiyori smiled, quickly agreeing. Kaede didn't seem mad anymore so Hiyori was willing to put the dirty argument behind him. He had already apologized to Kisumi 
who accepted his apology bashfully and put the whole thing behind him. </p><p>It was all be fine.</p><p>---</p><p>It wasn't until month ten in their relationship that the real cracks started to show. While Hiyori was patient, Kaede was high-strung and chaotic. Where Hiyori was passive, Kaede was controlling and paranoid. Hiyori wasn't blind, he noticed these things over the last few months but he put them in the back of his mind like a to-do list that he would later come back to.  </p><p>Well, later came sooner than he expected.</p><p>They had a week-long break coming up and Hiyori was looking forward to visiting his parents who were going to be in town. This conflicted with Kaede's plans to go to the beach and Ikuya's request to do a quick camping trip.</p><p>They had a big fight about why Ikuya would've chose camping as their activity (according to Kaede, camping was for couples) which Hiyori retorted that not everything was about sex and despite their past, nothing like that would happen especially while he was in a relationship. </p><p>Unfortunately, that didn't abate Kaede's jealously, forcing Hiyori to change his plans with Ikuya from camping to a day hike, an activity that wouldn't have them stay somewhere overnight. Later, Ikuya agreed but Hiyori could tell he was still annoyed by it.</p><p>In the end, Hiyori settled for three days with his family, two with Kaede and two with Ikuya, reserved to not change his plans again. </p><p>That lead to another fight about why Ikuya had the same amount of time with Hiyori as Kaede did. Hiyori ignored him but it still lead to a very stressful week for the both of them and the tripped they planned together was spoiled by it.</p><p> Even after they made up (sex being a heavy mediator), Hiyori couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. </p><p>He was on the bus, tired from his visit with his parents, when it suddenly hit him. <i> 'He's like how I was with Ikuya.'</i></p><p>Those few weeks when he tried to keep Ikuya away from his Iwatobi friends and how in the end, it put a wedge between them. How his jealousy, as irrational as it was, showed his insecurities and pushed Ikuya away. How Ikuya's relationship with Haru always  made him feel a tad uneasy. </p><p><i> 'No, even before then.' </i>  The way he was before university. Hanging by Ikuya's side, protecting him, afraid someone would seduce him away- find someone better than him. Kaede was showing all those signs, how did he miss it?</p><p>Hiyori almost wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. </p><p>That's why the next morning, he called Kaede to say, </p><p>"You don't need to be jealous of Ikuya." </p><p>"Uh, what?" </p><p>"You've worried that something could go on with Ikuya. I'm here to tell you that ship has sailed." </p><p>Silence. </p><p>"Kaede?"</p><p>"Glad to hear it." </p><p>"You okay?" </p><p>"Yeah," but he sounded distracted. "I guess that means you're still hiking with him today." </p><p>"Well, yeah. Just like I told you." </p><p>"I was hoping you would change your mind, that's all." </p><p>"Why would I change my mind?" </p><p>"I don't know, Tono. Anything else?" </p><p>"No."</p><p>"Cool" and he hangs up. </p><p>Hiyori stares at his phone, confused.</p><p>---<br/>
"So, are things going well with Kinjou?" Ikuya asks, throwing a rock into the pond. The hike they went on was beautiful, but long and Hiyori's legs ached from climbing hills all day. </p><p>It takes all of Hiyori willpower to not tense at the mention of his boyfriend's name, "Yes, we're fine." </p><p>Ikuya looks him over, nudging in the ribs, "I don't mind if you talk about your boyfriend. He takes all your time but I barely know anything about him." </p><p>"Not much to know. He loves to swim." Ikuya rolls his eyes, amused. "He loves movies, he can talk about them all day." Hiyori smiles. "He hates seaweed but loves when I make the onigiri his mother used to make."</p><p>"You cook for him?" Ikuya says incrediously. </p><p>Hiyori blushes, "Only a little bit. I cook a batch on Sunday and leave it for him to snack on during the week. It's not a big deal." </p><p>"That's cute." Ikuya says kindly. "You look happy." </p><p>Hiyori relaxes, "Yeah, I feel happy." </p><p>"What about you? Are you seeing someone?" </p><p>Ikuya groans, "I went on a few dates but they were all duds." Ikuya smiles at his laugh. "One date thought the breaststroke was some kind of sex position. I almost walked out." </p><p>Hiyori guffaws, choking on his water, "Why didn't you?" </p><p>"He was hot." </p><p>They laugh some more and as the sun goes down, Hiyori forgets all about his fight with Kaede.</p><p>---</p><p>After his excursion with Ikuya, Hiyori was in a great mood. For the first time since their breakup, he felt like he can be himself around Ikuya again. Or maybe he was never really himself around him to begin with. Either way, he was more than satisfied. After all, they were a work in progress. </p><p>When he gets home, he takes a quick shower and collapses on his bed exhausted. Checking his phone, he's surprised to see nothing from Kaede. Curious, he presses the call button, jolted by the noise in the background. </p><p>"Hello?" A voice slurs. </p><p>"Kaede? Is that you?" </p><p>"No, I'm Tonji." The voice yells, "Hold on!" Hiyori listens as Tonji calls for Kaede at what must be a busy bar or party. There's a clinking of glasses that makes him decide to set the call to speaker phone. </p><p>"Hey, who's this?" Kaede asks. </p><p>Hiyori frowns, "It's me, you're boyfriend. Where are you?" </p><p>"I'm out. What's it to you?" </p><p>"I-I just wanted to check in with you. I made it home." </p><p>"Great, anything else?" </p><p>Hiyori listens, waiting for his blood pressure to lower before he speaks, "No, I guess not. Have fun." </p><p>"Thanks." Kaede hangs up and Hiyori furiously yells into his pillow. </p><p>---<br/>
Hiyori slept on it and decided that he was really <i> pissed </i>  off. He's dealt with a lot of shit in his life but blunt rudeness was where he drew the line. Whatever Kinjou's deal was, he wanted to nip it in the bud and as soon as possible. </p><p>That's why the moment he finished his breakfast, he marched his way to the station, taking the first train to Kaede's place.</p><p>Looking back, he was a little impressed how stern he was when he knocked on the door, demanding entrance. </p><p>Eventually, Kaede opened the door, hand to his head, irritated. "What are you doing here?" He rasped. </p><p>Hiyori shoved him to the side, walking into Kaede's dingy apartment. "Why is it so dirty in here?' </p><p>Kaede ignored his question, closing the door behind him, "I'm not in the mood for your scrutiny. So make your peace and get out." </p><p>Hiyori halted, vicious, "I came to check on you, you jackass." </p><p>"Who says I need checking up on?  I'm fine. Aren't you busy with your little buddy today?" </p><p>Hiyori stilled, staring at the Kaede's bloodshot eyes, "Did you get drunk because you're pissed off at me?" </p><p>"God, you're full of yourself. No, I didn't get drunk because of you. Damn, you're stupid." </p><p>Hiyori snarled, "Don't call me names."</p><p>"Says the guy who just called me an asshole." </p><p>"Sorry." Hiyori stared at him like it was the first time they met, that meeting dinging in his head like an alarm. "But you still seem pissed off. If you are, just say so and we can talk about it."</p><p>"There's nothing to talk about." </p><p>"Says the guy who told me that in order for this to work we need to communicate." </p><p>Kaede glares at him, walking to the couch. He pushes his hair back before putting his headphones on.</p><p>"So, you're going to ignore me now?" </p><p>Kaede turns the music up. Hiyori sees red, griping the sides of his thighs. So, this was who he was when he was upset. He walks in front of Kaede who in turn closes his eyes. </p><p>"Kaede, stop it. Talk to me." </p><p>He says nothing. </p><p>Hiyori watches before he yanks the headphones off his ears, "Don't ignore me." </p><p>Kaede gets up, not touching him as he walks to the kitchen. Hiyori stares as he gets a bowl of cereal not even glancing in Hiyori's direction. Hiyori panics, stands in front of the counter adjacent to him. "Why are you doing this?" </p><p>Kaede pours milk into the bowl like he didn't hear a word. </p><p>Suddenly, Hiyori's been teleported to those days on the playground, alone in the sandbox with nothing but a bucket and pail to keep him company. He hears talking, other kids walking past him like he's nothing but a speck of dirt not worth their time. He remember that loneliness and the hollowness in Kaede's expression leaves him cold.</p><p>He falters, trips over his own feet, gripping the counter as he screams, "Be like that! I don't need you!" </p><p>He grabs his bag and swiftly heads to the door, tears streaming down his face,</p><p>"Goodbye, Kaede."<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So that was Kaede's chapter. It was tricky but so fun to write!<br/>Fun fact: I had a boyfriend invite me over to his place just to ignore me the entire night. Let's just say I never spoke to him again.  </p><p>Last note: Happy New Year!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Shigino Kisumi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Kisumi? Do you know what time it is?"</p><p>"Yep." His grin could rival the sun, "Let's go on a road trip."</p><p>"I beg your pardon?"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The long awaited Kisumi chapter has arrived! Sorry for the wait and thank you for sticking with me!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been four days since Hiyori had last spoken to Kaede and he wasn't fairing well. The bags under his eyes spoke volumes of his stress and he almost decided to go to the drugstore and buy makeup to cover them up. The only thing stopping him was his pride and unmitigated resolve to act unaffected. He'd rather be caught dead than caught buying makeup at the very populated convenience store. So, at practice, he horned his energy into swimming, seeing if blind rage would improve his overall time. It did, but not as much as he expected.</p><p>"You're on fire today, Tono!" said captain Hoshikawa, "What's up with you? Had some protein shakes this morning?" </p><p> Hiyori smiled, voice tight. "Nothing coach, just loving the water today I guess." </p><p>Ikuya looked in his direction, eyebrows raised. Before he could say anything, Hiyori dives back into the water letting the waves consume him.  </p><p>---</p><p>When he got back to his apartment, he noticed a familiar pair of yellow sneakers leaning against his doorway. He exhaled, removing his headphones and twitching with annoyance before walking forward. All the anger he burned off during practice came back at full force, washing over him like armor. </p><p>"You haven't answered my calls." Kaede said standing up. His clothes were wrinkled and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. Hiyori couldn't say that he cared...that much. </p><p>"So now you're speaking to me? I thought I wasn't on your radar."</p><p>"Can I come in?" </p><p>Hiyori hesitated, unlocking the door. "Sure." </p><p>"So, how have you been?" Kaede asked, lurking near the entrance. He floundered for a moment before taking his shoes off and settling on his sofa. Hiyori tried not to think about the last time he was there, hands on his waist as he pounded him into the cushions.  </p><p>"Angry." </p><p>"That's... fair."</p><p>"Let's cut the pleasantries. Why are you here?" </p><p>"Rude."</p><p>"Funny, those are the exact words you said to me not too long ago."</p><p>Kaede winced, looking like a kicked puppy. "Listen, Hiyori. I wanted to apologize. I wasn't in a good mood but... I shouldn't have taken it out on you."</p><p>"Agreed. So why did you?" </p><p>"Why what?"</p><p>"Why were you in a bad mood? What were you angry about? Why did you take it out on me?" </p><p>Kaede rubs his knees, pouting slightly before answering, "You always put Ikuya first."</p><p>Hiyori enraged, "That's not true. I only divided the time between the both of you because I haven't hung out with Ikuya in ages. Most of my time was allocated for my parents which by the way, wasn't my original plan. " </p><p>"Yeah, but you didn't talk to me about it first. I actually had big plans for us that week. I wanted-"</p><p>"Well, how was I supposed to know that?"</p><p>"Because it was a surprise, you dope!" </p><p>"So none of this had to do with Ikuya but me not discussing my plans with you?"</p><p>"Sorta, yeah. But Kirishima is still--"</p><p>"Hey, despite our past, Ikuya is still my best friend. That hasn't changed!" </p><p>Kaede sighs, resting his arm on his leg, "I'm not a fan of Kirishima, which is no surprise. But-"</p><p>"You don't even know Ikuya. How do you know you guys can't be friends?"</p><p>"Can I talk? Will stop for a moment and let me speak!"</p><p>Hiyori grumbles, sitting cross-legged on the floor.</p><p>"Anyway... Kirishima still looks at you with that long with that creepy stare, like he wants to confess his love to you or something. Honestly, I wish you didn't spend so much time with him."</p><p>Hiyori is speechless, his nails biting into his palm. The anger from earlier vanishes, replaced with unease."That's not fair, Kaede."</p><p>"You wanted to know how I felt so I'm telling you." </p><p>"I can't control how other people look at me." He scoots over to reach Kaede's level and make eye contact. "Kaede, I haven't wanted anyone else since we got together."  </p><p>"I know that." </p><p>"Then why are you so angry? Why did you ignore me when I came to your place? Do you know how fucking hurtful that was? What that did to me?"</p><p>"I said I am sorry, what more do you want!" </p><p>"I want you to respect me! Not ignore me and act like I don't exist! Hell, even if you don't want to talk about it, just say so!" </p><p>"Hiyori..." </p><p>"I was ignored a lot when I was a kid, yes, by other kids but mostly my parents. While they are hard workers, they were never around and were too busy to spend time with me. I felt like a burden most of my life. I was so alone. And then I met Ikuya, so things were a little easier. That loneliness was still there but it was bearable. Ikuya's not perfect but it's unreasonable for you to come into my life and think you can change everything around!" </p><p>The teardrops coat his cheeks and it isn't until Kaede stands up that he hears himself gasping, harsh sobs entangling his lungs. </p><p>Kaede gawks, "Shit. Come here." Hiyori leans into his embrace, feeling Kaede's muscles contract. He rubs his back, soothing touches down his spine, and before Hiyori can sob again, they are cuddled on the couch, Hiyori wrapped around him. Lightly, he's aware that it is raining outside, a sun shower that doesn't match his mood. His hurt pours out of him, ugly cries that are undignified and unhinged. Eventually, Hiyori's cries subside and he lingers in Kaede's hug, not ready to let go. </p><p>Kaede's touch makes him feel warm all over, safe and comfortable. It's familiar and distantly he wishes they could be like this all the time- with no fighting over things he can't or won't change. Kaede hands him tissues and as he wipes his nose he catches Kaede's eye. Before he can think about it, he kisses the bone on Kaede's neck, the one that drives Kaede wild, and savoring the sounds that he makes. He licks and explores the area, letting his hands wander down Kaede's muscled arms. </p><p>"Hiyori-" </p><p>"Just let me touch you." Hiyori whispers, tenacious and reverent. Kaede concedes, shifting Hiyori onto his lap, grabbing his ass. "More." </p><p>"Hiyori-"</p><p>Hiyori silences him with a kiss, rolling his hips as they make out furiously on his sofa. He takes in Kaede's scent, rustic and familiar as he grabs his hair to maintain his balance.</p><p>"Oh, fuck." Kaede groans, spreading his legs wider, addicted to the way their cocks push and drag against each other. He grabs Hiyori's ass harder forcing him into a rhythm that has them both whine. He rolls faster, desperate for more friction. </p><p>"Get up, <i> get up. </i>" Hiyori hisses, staggering off of Kaede's lap to unbutton his pants. They kiss again, close as if they've never touched before, and if Hiyori burst into flames, he would welcome it gladly as long as Kaede never stopped gripping his hips. Their teeth clash but it's hot and uncoordinated. "Do you want to fuck me?" </p><p>"Yeah, yeah, we can do that." Kaede replies, rubbing his member through the crease of his jeans. "Where's your lube?" </p><p>"Where it always is, in my bedroom drawer." Hiyori snaps, unbuttoning the remainder of his collared shirt. "Hurry and get it." </p><p>"Always so bossy." Kaede returns with the bottle and a roll of condoms, too eager to separate them. He groans at the sight of Hiyori's bare ass, resisting the urge to get down and worship it. "How do you want it? Where do you want it?" </p><p>"Like this." Hiyori commands, shoving his coffee table over in haste to bend over the arm of his sofa. His pants are around his ankles and the wrinkles in his unbuttoned shirt turn Kaede on more than it should. "Can you do me like this?"</p><p>"Without a doubt." He pulls his pants down, matching Hiyori's state of undress. "How much prep do you need?" </p><p>"Two fingers should do it." </p><p>"Just two?" Normally, Hiyori needs three or four to feel comfortable. Kaede hesitates but he coats his hands with lube not wanting to argue. </p><p>Hiyori jolts at the sensation, living for how Kaede's circles his rim before sliding the fingers in. He loves this, being taken apart by Kaede's gifted hands, feeling the heat and dizzy anticipation of what's to come. The way Kaede's dick jumps behind him tells him that he likes it too. </p><p>"Just do it, Kaede." Hiyori whines, gripping the seat cushion.  </p><p>"Fuck, already? I barely got two in."</p><p><i> "Do it." </i> Hiyori whines louder, meeting his eyes. Kaede gasps, grabbing Hiyori's face for a sloppy kiss. They grind against each other and Kaede could do this forever but his boyfriend's patience will only last for so much longer.</p><p>Kaede steps back for a second, quickly rolling the condom on. He rubs the rim, watching the hole contract, tempted to tease for just a little longer, to see how crazy Hiyori can get. </p><p>"Put it in,  put it in, <i> please."</i> Hiyori begs, pushing his hips back and any thought of further teasing goes out the window.</p><p>"Fuck, okay, <i> okay </i>." He slaps his ass once, resonating in how loud it is, how loud Hiyori is and he secretly prays that Hiyori will want him like this forever. </p><p>"You always get like this when I fuck you. So needy, so <i> slutty." </i></p><p>"Yes, yes, yes, I am."</p><p>He chuckles, surprised. It usually takes longer to get him this riled up. <i> 'Is he under already?' </i></p><p>Hiyori whines again and Kaede was never known for having self-restraint. He lines up, both hands tight around Hiyori's hips, nudging slowly forward. Hiyori groans likes he's dying and Kaede can't blame him because he probably sounds the same way. When he reaches the hilt, he wraps around Hiyori like an octopus, their body heat insufferable any other time. He pinches Hiyori's nipples, relishing in his cries and the song they sing when they pull and push apart. </p><p>"You take- me in- so nicely." He says with each shallow thrust. He could come like this easily, Hiyori pushing against him, always so pliant and hungry for him.  </p><p>"Kaede, please. Faster."</p><p>"Already, huh? You'd die if I didn't fuck you, wouldn't you?" Kaede digs his fingers into Hiyori's already swollen hips before shifting him up to pick up the pace. He doesn't think as he pistons Hiyori into the sofa, overcome with lust. </p><p>"Uh, uh, <i> uhn. </i>" Hiyori shoves a pillow in his mouth, hanging onto the edge as Kaede fucks him in just the way he likes. He's dimly aware that he's smearing pre-come all over his sofa but his sight is blurry and all his energy and into just getting <i> more. </i> </p><p>"Oh, no. I need to hear you." Kaede grabs the pillow out of Hiyori's mouth, flinging it across the room. It knocks something over but they're too preoccupied to care. "If I'm giving you what you want, you have to do the same for me." </p><p>Hiyori nods rapidly, pushing against Kaede's cock. He keens at being so filled, so stuffed to the brim. "Fuck, Tono. Give me a second." He re-adjusts his hips, angling down before pounding deep into Hiyori's hungry body. </p><p>Hiyori goes <i> Kaede Kaede Kaede </i> again and again, urging Kaede to fuck him harder and deeper. Kaede complies, learning that he can't resist a begging man, one who screams his name like a mantra.</p><p>He doesn't want to come yet but Hiyori rolls his hips like an expert, forcing him to make a quick decision. "Touch yourself, Tono."</p><p>"But Kae-ah, please-" Hiyori protests. He wants to come on Kaede's cock alone.</p><p>"Touch yourself damnit." <i> 'Shit, I'm not gonna last.' </i>  </p><p>Hiyori pushes up to grab himself, jerking furiously at the command, the hot breath against his neck and the fabric of the sofa against his thighs. He feels high as Kaede fucks him, a power trip that leaves him aching. </p><p>Kaede comes, loud and angry, making Hiyori see stars as he also reaches his climax. "Oh-fuck. That-oh, that." </p><p>Kaede smirks, arms still wrapped like an octopus. "Finally satisfied?"</p><p>Hiyori stiffens making Kaede flinch and slowly pull out. <i> 'Fuck, why'd I bring that up?"</i> </p><p>"Let's clean up." </p><p>---</p><p>They clean up in silence. A flash of hot shame rushes through Hiyori as he wipes himself and his couch down. This always happens when they fight. Just when he thinks they'll get some where, have a conversation that can improve their relationship, they end being physically naked instead of emotionally. </p><p>Inwardly, Hiyori sighs, flinching as he bends down to get his shirt.</p><p>In the corner of his eye, Kaede pulls up his pants, eyeing his phone like he wants a distraction but is too afraid to reach for it.</p><p>Eventually, Hiyori speaks "Um, I'm still... angry about last week. I can't just pretend like things are okay between us."</p><p>"You mean like how we just fucked on your sofa?" </p><p>Hiyori cringes, turning sideways to button the rest of his shirt. "Yeah, that."</p><p>"It wasn't me who started it. You kissed me!"  </p><p>"I know. I apologize."</p><p> Kaede growls, "So what, you don't want to date me anymore?"</p><p>Hiyori turns, grabbing Kaede's wrist, "I didn't say that! I've never said that! You're always putting words in my mouth." </p><p>"Then what are you saying?" </p><p>Hiyori hesitates, sitting on the floor to examine the patterns on his ceiling. Normally, it's easy to talk to Kaede after sex, when he's raw and compliant but now he's raw in a different way- red and ready to bite. He chooses his words carefully,</p><p>"I don't want to breakup but maybe...we need a little space. Nothing too long, just a little time apart." </p><p> Kaede growls, "How is that not a breakup?" </p><p>"Because.." He pauses, not sure how to explain his feelings. Everything is jumbled in his head and the sex didn't help matters. He loves Kaede (not a good time to confess that) but their relationship needs a lot of work. "Because we have a lot of potential to make it work. But...everything is crazy with us right now. Maybe some space will let us clear our heads. Kaede, sex can't be our buffer forever." </p><p>"How much time are you talking about?" </p><p>Hiyori raises his brow, surprised at Kaede's compliance, "I don't know. Maybe two weeks? Something like that and we check in again."</p><p>Kaede frowns, mouth ajar but he doesn't speak. Instead, he grabs his bag and walks out.</p><p>---<br/>
Kaede stomping out without a word, riled Hiyori's anger again. 

</p><p>Being upset for so long wasn't something Hiyori was used to. Sadness, annoyance, and even envy were on friendlier terms with him. But anger, long-term anger was a new visitor to his psyche. Everything he did was with vigor; schoolwork and swim practice weren't enough to ease his restlessness. But in a weird way, he wished he felt this passion all the time. Maybe he would be a better swimmer or at the very least do better in his math classes.</p><p>The next day, when Hiyori walked into his room, he adamantly avoided looking at his sofa. Kaede's body painted on top of him as he submitted over and over to his power made him queasy instead of turned on. In the moment he loved it but now he just felt unsettling guilt.</p><p> Hiyori shook his head, unhinging those thoughts from his mind. <i> 'I wonder if Kisumi is busy.' </i></p><p><i> "Hey, Kisumi! Do you want to play some basketball?" </i> </p><p>
  <i> "Sure! Meet you in ten." </i>
</p><p> 12 minutes later, Kisumi met him on the court, dressed and ready to play. Playing basketball with Kisumi was becoming a pastime, something they did every Tuesday night. But since it was a Thursday, Kisumi was instantly suspicious. </p><p>"So, what happened? You never play like this." Hiyori had dunked in about three different ways in less than 10 minutes. He glanced at Kisumi before shooting. </p><p>"I kinda broke up with my boyfriend." </p><p>"Oh, Hiyori. I'm sorry." </p><p>"It's okay. We're sorta on break. We just need some time apart is all. It's fine." </p><p>"You sure? It's nothing you guys can't work out now?"</p><p>Hiyori  groaned, "If we can change the fact that we are both assholes, then maybe." </p><p>Kisumi giggles, "I don't think you're an asshole." </p><p>"And Kinjou?" </p><p>"Well, I can't defend him as much." </p><p>"That's okay. He was pretty rude to you. Sorry about that." </p><p>"You already apologized. Plus, it's not fair to have to apologize for someone else. I mean, you never see me apologize for Asahi and the stupid shit he does." </p><p>Hiyori gasps, "<i>Oh </i>,so you and Asahi are a thing?" </p><p>Kisumi sighs, dribbling the ball, "It's complicated." </p><p> "I love complicated." Hiyori sets his ball on the court, waiting for Kisumi to join him. </p><p>"Me and Asahi have been friends a long time but recently, we sorta...shifted gears."</p><p>"Shifted gears? Is that what people call it now?" </p><p>"Asahi came up with that." Kisumi smiled, "No, we've kissed a few times and it's nice. He's nice...but I think there's something holding him back or maybe it's just me. It's like I want to move forward but every time we're about to cross that line, I hesitate. I thought this what I wanted but now I'm not so sure." </p><p>"Maybe you're afraid of ruining your friendship. You have been friends a long time."</p><p>"Maybe but... I also have this urge to see other people." </p><p> Hiyori's eye widened, "Interesting. Did you tell him that?" </p><p>"He already knows I date around. It's not secret that I like meeting new people. It's like my favorite hobby. Like last week, I went on this date with this girl who's into karate but wants to be a fashion designer. And she's great at both! It was pretty hot to be honest."<br/>
</p><p>"So she can look fashionable and kick your ass at the same time. How do you meet all these people?" </p><p>"Sometimes I use Tinder or Grindr. Whichever." Kisumi smirks, "Why? You ready to jump back out there already?" </p><p>Hiyori laughs, kicking the grass under his feet, "No thanks."</p><p>"Does this break your on have rules?" </p><p>"Rules? Well, it's mainly to help us cool off. I guess we could see other people if we want to but the main idea is that we need some space. <i> I </i> needed some space." </p><p>"So the break was your idea?"</p><p>Hiyori nods. It was bittersweet, Kaede stride saying goodbye as he walked out but Hiyori tried not to dwell on it. If there was anything he learned in the past few months was to let nature take it's course. If him and Kaede were meant to be, then they would come back together and work on something beyond their physical attraction.</p><p>Kisumi whistles. "Wow, you're kinda badass. I'm impressed."</p><p>"Thanks. if only I was badass enough to beat you in basketball. One more round of horse, please."</p><p>"You're on."</p><p>---</p><p>A few nights later, Kisumi went with Hiyori to his house for some wings and cheap beer. He hadn't drunk this much since his night with Natsuya and before he could linger on that, Kisumi loudly clangs his beer on the table.</p><p>"So..."  he sighs dramatically, "I hooked up with Asahi." </p><p>Hiyori chokes, "Finally! Holy shit. How was it?" </p><p>"Terrible. Like awful. Cheese and peanut butter are more compatible in bed." </p><p>Hiyori gags, holding his sides. "I'm sorry it was that bad. I shouldn't be laughing." </p><p>"Laughing is better than crying." He groans, "We're both tops but at the time, I thought it didn't matter. We couldn't agree on <i> anything.</i>  We just argued the whole night." </p><p>"Why didn't you just-" making a lewd gesture with his hand, "you know, get each other off?"</p><p>"Like I said, we couldn't agree! I wanted to give him a handy but he insisted on blowjobs which I hate because of my gag reflex."</p><p>"Too much information." </p><p>"Hey, you asked!" He takes another sip of his beer, the result making his cheeks rosy, "Then we tried grinding against each other but he couldn't get the rhythm down. I ended up knocking my chin against his broad-ass shoulders. I thought I was going to lose a tooth."</p><p>Hiyori barrels over laughing, beer swishing in his can. </p><p>"And if that wasn't bad enough, his hands are always cold so I felt like I was having sex with an icicle. He was mortified."</p><p>Hiyori wipes a few tears from his eyes, ignoring Kisumi's glare, "Poor Asahi. I hope it didn't ruin things between you."</p><p>Kisumi throws his empty can in the trash. "We're still best friends, except now I know what his dick looks like. So, it's still kind of a win." </p><p>"If a friendship can withstand that kind of humiliation, then what more can you ask for?" </p><p>"Ha, true." Kisumi leans over, flicking Hiyori's ear, "So, Tono-kun, how was Kinjou in bed?"</p><p>Hiyori stops laughing, now blushing, the bottom of his can suddenly interesting. </p><p>"Don't hold out on me! Come on!"</p><p>"He... was... good."</p><p>"Now you're all chaste and shy? Come on, give me something good!" </p><p>Hiyori lies on the floor, using the crook of his arm to cover his face. "This is so embarrassing." </p><p>"It can't be more embarrassing than what I shared!" </p><p>"True, nothing is more embarrassing than that." Hiyori grins, grabbing another wing. "Have you ever seen him swim?"</p><p>Kisumi shakes his head, leaning in like he's about to hear a juicy secret. </p><p>"Well, he swims with such power, like that's all he has on his mind is cutting through the water. Sex was the same way, he just... gave it his all. Very...attentive." He blushes, "I've never felt so wanted."</p><p>"Wow. I'm jealous." </p><p>Hiyori sits up, tossing the chicken bone on his plate. "I like him for other things of course, but I think sex was his best way to express himself. When words didn't work, his body did the talking."</p><p>"<i>Ohhh.</i> You miss him?" </p><p>"Yeah, I do. But...he said some things that bothered me. If we're going to work, then he has to trust me and I have to trust him in return. I'm not perfect, I have some issues too." He watches Kisumi finish his third beer. "Sorry, that got a little serious." </p><p>"No, don't be. You should open up more. Plus, you have this cute dreamy look on your face when you talk about him."</p><p>"I do not!" He squawks.</p><p>"You do too!" </p><p>"Aw, fuck." </p><p>"Tono-chan, what do you want to do?"</p><p>"I want to have fun! I-I want to stop overthinking so much. These beers sure aren't helping much." He laughs. </p><p>"Well, then you're not drinking enough. Kampai!" </p><p>They clink glasses.</p><p>---</p><p>The light shining through the window is not what wakes Hiyori up but the sound of his doorbell being jammed multiple times in a row. He stumbles to the door, clothes askew.</p><p>"Hey, Hiyori!" </p><p>"Kisumi? Do you know what time it is?"</p><p>"Yep." His grin could rival the sun, It's after 10." Hiyori squints, feeling Kisumi pass by him. "Let's go on a road trip."</p><p>"I beg your pardon?" </p><p>"A road trip! We're young, I have a car and school is over. Let's just go! I already got my bag packed." </p><p>Hiyori stares at him, his door still wide open. "When did you do that?" </p><p>"This morning while you were snoring. You're kind of lightweight if you have a hangover after a few cheap beers." He shrugs. "Doesn't matter because I'm driving and I feel great." </p><p>Hiyori closes the door, slumping against it, his head feels like a few loud alarms are in it. "Kisumi- I don't know." </p><p>"Last night, you said you wanted to have fun and not think so much. This is your chance to not be a stick-in-the-mud."</p><p>"I said that?" </p><p>"I'm paraphrasing but yep." </p><p>Hiyori's vision finally returned and Kisumi's disposition was so dazzling that it would've been difficult to look at him even with sunglasses on. Instead, he looked around his room, disgusted. </p><p>"You have to help me clean up first." </p><p>"Does that mean what I think it means?"</p><p>"I'm not a stick-in-the-mud, Kisumi."</p><p>Kisumi runs and grabs a trash bag, "I can't wait for you to prove me wrong."</p><p>---<br/>
</p><p>"Where are we going?"</p><p>"You tell me. Anywhere you want to go?"</p><p>"Huh? Don't road trips have plans?"</p><p>"Are you still drunk? We just discussed that we're not going to overthink this."</p><p>"But I would've thought you would've at least had a plan on what direction you want to go."</p><p>"This is Japan, Hiyori. Every direction has something entertaining. If we go north, we can go past Chiba, south is Mt. Fuji, east is Saitama, west is Nagano. Pick one. What sounds the most entertaining to you? Don't overthink it, either!"</p><p>"Fine, I pick Nagano. I always wanted to go hiking in Kamikochi." </p><p>"Excellent choice. Onward!" </p><p>Kisumi changes lanes, almost causing a small accident. Once Hiyori's screeching stops, Kisumi speaks again,</p><p>"The fun thing about this is that we can always change our mind. Gas isn't too expensive right now and I have some money saved up from working for my uncle."</p><p> Hiyori also had some money saved up. The cash that he earned from tutoring Kaede (something that ended the moment they made it official) was burning in his wallet. He tried not to think about it too much. </p><p>"With everything you do, you still have time to work for your uncle?" Hiyori briefly remembered that Kisumi worked for his uncle's real estate business during the summer. </p><p>Kisumi blushes, "Well, I usually work for him during breaks so, yes?"</p><p>"Are you blowing him off right now?"</p><p>"No, of course not! I just... rescheduled. I told him I'll probably come in next week. I'm just a small helper after all. He's doesn't need me that much."</p><p>"You're the worst nephew. A total flake."</p><p>"That is not true! His son is worse. He's a little older than me and was supposed to take over the business but suddenly, he got married to an Australian and ran off with her to Thailand. He's like some kind of videographer now. I think they have a corny couple's Youtube channel or something. A total cringe-fest." </p><p>Hiyori laughs. "Sounds fun." </p><p>"Oh yeah, I'm grateful to him actually. Because of that, I have a job whenever I need it and nothing I do could possibly shock my uncle as much as Toshi did." </p><p>"Really? Not even-"</p><p>"Are you asking me if my uncle knows that I bang guys?" He grips the steering wheel to make a sharp left. "Yeah, he does. I like girls too so I think that calmed his nerves. He was the first person I came out to. What about you? Do your parents know?"</p><p>Hiyori adjusts his seatbelt before letting his window down. The air is warm and he relishes in how hot Japanese summers can get. He notices Kisumi glancing at him from the corner of his eye.</p><p>"You don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable." </p><p>Hiyori winces. "Sorry, I was getting my thoughts together. I told my mom about Kaede during my last visit. She... was okay with it... but it was pretty awkward. I don't think she's told my dad so maybe it's fine for now."</p><p>"Aw, dude. I'm sorry."</p><p>"No, it was what I expected actually. We've never been that close so I didn't expect a big emotional response from her." </p><p>"It could be worse is the best we can hope for sometimes. Still, it was brave of you to tell her." </p><p>"Thanks, I mean, I was sweating bullets but it wasn't as bad as I feared."</p><p>When Hiyori told his mom that he had a boyfriend, she was even less responsive than he expected. She wasn't the type to over-exaggerate but he expected...something. Her face didn't change nor did her posture. His mom just listened to him ramble pathetically before finishing her sandwich and then washing her dish, as if it was a regular day and they were regular people. And maybe for her it was, maybe she kind of knew about him all along or just never found his personal life that interesting. Not like that was something new.</p><p>Kisumi pats his arm, asking softly, "Are you hungry?"</p><p>"Yeah, I am. " He replies sadly.</p><p>---<br/>
They are able to find a burger joint and decide to eat in the car. The place was packed which Hiyori and his throbbing head were grateful for. 

"Is there a particular reason you wanted to do this...with me? Even for you, this seems spontaneous." </p><p>Kisumi shoves a few fries in his mouth, "What do you mean? You're the perfect choice for something like this." Hiyori raises an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side. "Yeah, you overthink and worry like a mother-hen but you can also lay back and have fun. I like that."</p><p>Hiyori sensed there was something more Kisumi wasn't admitting but he didn't want to pry. Instead, he said, "Laid-back? Have you met me?"</p><p>"I bet Kaede knows how laid-back you are."</p><p>"Wow." Hiyori chokes a laugh, adding a pickle to his burger. "You're a dick."</p><p>Kisumi laughs like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard. "See? You're mind is all in the gutter. I didn't say anything about dicks." </p><p>"Oh my God, you are a child. I regret coming along." </p><p>"Aw, do you really?" He pouts. "We've only been on the road for like an hour tops." </p><p>"Geez, I'm kidding, Kisumi! I thought you could read a room. Wow." </p><p>Kisumi's smile falls slightly and before Hiyori can comment, "We're going to have fun, I promise." </p><p>Hiyori smiles back, "I know we will."</p><p>---<br/>
Two hours later, they make it to Nagano but Hiyori is still sick from his hangover. They call it an early night and find a cheap hotel they can stay in. It's old with wallpaper peeling off and carpet that has seen better days. 

</p><p>"I've stayed in worse places." Hiyori muses. </p><p>"Really? Were you on punishment?"</p><p>"No. In America, Ikuya and I had this swim meet with another school and the hotel room was a complete dump. I think they called it a 'motel.' It wasn't so much dirty as it was run down like it had built in the 1900s but no one ever renovated it."</p><p>Kisumi throws his bag on the bed, cringing at the springy sound it makes. "Sounds like a nightmare." </p><p>"Yeah, but Ikuya didn't care. He was so focused on swimming that he probably didn't notice."</p><p>That year, Ikuya was absurdly obsessed with his swim time so things like lousy motel rooms didn't phase him. Hiyori remembers how stressful the whole event was and tries to block the rest of the meet from his memory.</p><p>"How is Ikuya anyway?" </p><p>"He's good, I think." Hiyori pulls his bedsheet back, relieved that it looks clean. He takes his socks off, preparing to lie down but then he remembered, "Oh, shit! I think he texted me, let me check." </p><p>Hiyori scrambles to get his phone, checking his texts. There was a message from Ikuya, from <i> last night. </i> </p><p>
  <i> "Do you want to shop for some jammers tomorrow?"</i>
</p><p> Hiyori slaps his forehead. "Damn, he sent me this last night. I completely forgot." </p><p>"Ooo, are you in trouble?" </p><p>"Maybe, we...haven't been talking much." </p><p>Kisumi watches in silence, hearing the tap of Hiyori's fingers texting at full speed. </p><p>"How does this sound?" He holds his phone out to Kisumi.<i> "Sorry, I just saw this message! I would love to but it will have to wait until next week, if that's okay?" </i> </p><p>"It's beautifully vague. Do you think he'd be angry if you told him you're on a road trip? It's not a secret or anything, right?"</p><p>"True." With the whirlwind that Kisumi is, he hadn't had time to tell anyone where he was going. Kaede and him aren't speaking at the moment but it's strange that he hadn't thought about Ikuya for the last 24 hours. "Have you told anyone about our trip?" </p><p>Hiyori puts his phone on the dusty end table and settling on his bed again. His stomach is still a little queasy and if stands up any longer he's sure to vomit.</p><p>"Nope but they'll see my Instagram soon enough." </p><p> Hiyori jolts up again, stomach twisting painfully, "What did you put on Instagram? I don't even remember seeing you on your phone."</p><p>"Check for yourself, silly." </p><p>Hiyori grabs his phone and when he opens the app, the first thing he sees is a loop video of himself and Kisumi in the car. He's sleeping, head against the window with Kisumi making bunny ears behind the arm rest. His smile is as bright as usual. The caption says <i> 'Sleeping beauty and I are on the road. Where we go no one knows.' </i> with a winky face. </p><p> Hiyori saves the video to examine later. There was no doubt that Ikuya had seen that post by now. He closes the app and swiftly switches to messenger. </p><p>
  <i> "I have a thing with Kisumi this week but I'll get back to you when I get home."</i>
</p><p>
"Are you okay?"  When did Kisumi sit so close?</p><p>"Fine, it's fine. I'll be fine." He lays on the bed, placing a pillow over his head. His stomach still aches but his mind is busier. Kisumi lays beside him, curious.</p><p>

"Does Ikuya always get you this riled up?" </p><p>

Hiyori pauses, looking at the ceiling "I-I, I guess he has." He has no interest in talking about his complicated relationship with Ikuya right now. "What about Asahi, did you tell him?" </p><p>

Kisumi answers quickly, "No, I didn't. I don't really have to." </p><p>

Hiyori watches as Kisumi gets up, stretching his back. </p><p>

"I'm going to take a shower. Call me if you need me." </p><p>

"Sure." </p><p>---<br/>
</p><p>The next morning, Hiyori wakes up first, relieved that his headache and stomachache are gone. He takes a quick shower, secretly eager to get the day started. When he leaves the bathroom, Kisumi is sitting up, his messy hair covering his face.</p><p>"So I looked up Kamikochi, and you're right. It has a pretty amazing hiking trail. If we pack a lunch and get going soon, we can get to the top before all the tourists." </p><p>"Sounds like a plan."</p><p>When the arrive to Kamikochi, Hiyori is pleasantly surprised with how quiet it is. For a summer day, it's not crowded yet so they eagerly begin their hike. Within two hours, they have crossed a bridge, walked down a valley, and hiked up a trail that is surrounded by mountains. Kisumi takes what feels like a hundred pictures but Hiyori can't blame him- it's just that beautiful.</p><p>They walk in another direction, past a pond and marsh to rest.</p><p>"Phew! We finally made it. I'm pooped." Kisumi drops his bag on the ground, collapsing dramatically on a bench. Hiyori sits politely next to him.</p><p>"Wow, look at this view. Think it was worth our blood, sweat, and tears?"</p><p>Kisumi takes his shades off, observing the stillness of the pond. A fish leaps in the air.</p><p>"It's great. But do you got that lunch?"  </p><p>Hiyori hands him his sandwich a hand wipe. They eat in silence and Hiyori feels more rejuvenated after each bite.</p><p>Kisumi says, "I used to hike when I was a kid." </p><p>"Really?" </p><p>"Yeah, my dad loves nature and before my brother was born, we had these weekly hikes. They didn't have amazing views like this but they were still fun. I remember this one time my dad got poison ivy and he was itching like crazy. I was sure he was going to give up on hiking or at least take a break. But he didn't. The moment he was healed, he was already putting on his backpack, grabbing my hand for another adventure." </p><p>"You sound a lot like him. Always ready for an adventure." </p><p>Kisumi smiles, "Yeah, maybe. Anyway, I'm glad you found this place. It brought back some fond memories."</p><p>Hiyori smiles, placing his sandwich wrapper in his bag, "No problem. I don't have any memorable hiking stories from childhood but I like nature."</p><p>"Me too but I don't think I could ever leave the city." </p><p>"Yeah, me too."</p><p>After the hike, the pair decides to visit a few souvenir shops. Kisumi gets a tacky keychain while Hiyori settles on two postcards.</p><p>When they leave, the sun is starting to set but Hiyori feels no rush to leave. They casually stroll out as Kisumi turns his car on, Hiyori swiftly falls asleep.</p><p>---</p><p>The next few days of their trip are unplanned per Kisumi's request. After Kamikochi, they head to Toyama, a beach city littered with castles and nature. </p><p>"It's not as impressive as Osaka castle but it's nice." Hiyori comments as Kisumi finishes his selfies. </p><p>"Debatable. I like that this area is less of a tourist trap and I can take my pictures in peace. Plus, there are mountains, Hiyori! Mountains!" </p><p>Hiyori laughs, "Can't argue there."<br/>
---<br/>
After a filling dinner of fish and miso soup, they check into their hotel, one significantly nicer than their previous ones. The rooms are cleaner, the beds are bigger and there is a small bathhouse on the bottom floor that they couldn't be more grateful for. </p><p>"I'm a little surprised you didn't want to go clubbing, Kisumi. Isn't that your thing?"</p><p>Kisumi moves the heated towel from his face, stretching his legs in the water. Hiyori is a good distance away, relaxing in the bathhouse corner. "Do you really think the club scene in this small town would be better than Tokyo?" </p><p>"Well no, but I thought you'd be curious. Or even want to go to a bar. I wouldn't mind." </p><p>Kisumi puts the towel back on his face, sinking into the water. "If you want to go to a bar we can. I'm just a little beat." </p><p>"Sorry, you've been driving so much, I'll drive us tomorrow."</p><p>"Tomorrow is the beach, remember? Plus, I'm not complaining or asking you to drive. In fact, I'm really enjoying doing something different this week. Hiking, seeing nature, visiting castles, hell sitting in this bathhouse- it's all a breath of fresh air." </p><p>"Oh, good." Hiyori says, "I'm having a lot of fun." </p><p>"Good, me too." They both sink into the bath, letting the water relax their tired bones. Hiyori tries to keep his mind blank but thoughts of Kaede keep coming to the surface. </p><p><i> 'I wonder if he would've liked this trip or this bathhouse. It's a little small but- it doesn't matter, he's not here.' </i>   He sighs, shaking the water from his hair, <i> 'But I kinda wish he was.' </i></p><p>"I wasn't completely honest about what happened with Asahi." Kisumi says.  </p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"We sorta...did have sex. Like a few times." </p><p> Hiyori sits up, wanting to give Kisumi his full attention. "Was it bad?"</p><p>Kisumi studies the water, pouring handfuls onto his back. "Painful? Awkward, maybe. I have this obsession with trying something new and even though we are both tops, I thought, It's Asahi, I can bottom for him. Well, I did and we did and it was a mistake. The worst part is... I... faked it." </p><p>"What do you mean you faked it?"</p><p>Kisumi blushing, "I faked it - an orgasm. I wasn't really into so I thought I'd speed it along and pretended- you know? Maybe I needed some acting classes because when he realized I faked it, he was so angry. We had this big fight. It was dumb, I was dumb."</p><p>Kisumi submerges most of his head into the water, only his ears and messy hair are visible. Hiyori watches perplexed, thinking on how to respond. <i> I have to be there for him. </i></p><p>"You just wanted to make him happy." </p><p> He sits up enough to respond, "By lying to my best friend? Not the best way to make him happy."</p><p>"Did you apologize?"</p><p>"Yeah, but you know Asahi. When his pride is hurt, he pulls away. I just didn't think he'd still be this mad a week later." </p><p>
  <i> 'Oh. So, we're both running away from our partners.' </i> </p><p>Hiyori slowly slides over to Kisumi, giving him a friendly pat on the head. Kisumi groans, embarrassed.</p><p>"I think... Asahi cares for you more than he wants to lead on. So, maybe when you faked it, he took it personally because the dream of finally getting what he wanted was shattered." </p><p> He pipes up, "You think so?"</p><p>"I know so. I don't know Asahi well but I know pride. Maybe if you were some random guy, he would've brushed it off - but since it's you, someone he's wanted a long time, it cut deep."</p><p>"Fuck."</p><p>"I'd wager he's more embarrassed and hurt than angry.  You're already giving him space which is good, so I think he'll come back to you when he's ready to talk." </p><p>"Damn it. I didn't mean to hurt him. In the moment, I just wasn't thinking rationally. I didn't want him to feel bad."</p><p>"Then tell him next time you see him. If he cares for you as much as I think, he'll listen."</p><p>"I hope so. He does have socks for brains."</p><p>They laugh, Hiyori playfully flicking him with water.  </p><p>"Kaede's the same way. He can be so prideful that it blinds him. But... maybe I don't help matters."</p><p>"You mean his jealously over Ikuya?" </p><p>Hiyori jolts, splashing some water over the edge of the tub. "How do you know about that?" </p><p>Kisumi grins, "Please. I've only seen you two together a few times and he acts like someone's going to snatch you away at any given moment. And since Ikuya is your ex-"</p><p> More water splashes on the floor, "And how do you know that?"</p><p>"Hiyori, get a clue would you? Who do you think he talked to after your breakup? An imaginary doll?"</p><p>Hiyori blushes, mortified, "Oh my God, why didn't you tell me you knew?" </p><p>"It never came up! And by the time you and I became buddies, you were dating Kaede, who by the way, is slightly more interesting to talk about. So carry on." </p><p>"Jeez, do you know everyone's business?"</p><p>"Almost everybody. I still can't tell if Haruka and Makoto are an item and I've known them for<i>years </i>." </p><p>"Okay, what is their deal?  Are they really just friends? Can two people be that close without dating? Someone please tell me!" </p><p>Kisumi and Hiyori laugh. "I think they have a special bond that us mere mortals can't possibly comprehend." </p><p>"Hmph, I'm almost jealous."</p><p>"Who isn't? They can practically read each other's minds." Kisumi sighs, leaning against the edge of the bath. "But, seriously. What are you going to do about Kinjou-kun?"</p><p>Hiyori's smile falters as he puts his knees against his chest. "I don't know. I want to be with him and despite his flaws, he's a great boyfriend. We have a lot in common, he's hilarious and he-</p><p>"Blows your back out?"</p><p>Hiyori chuckles, "Yes, he blows my back out but it's more than that. He makes everything fun and he can be quite thoughtful. Like a few months ago, I lost my watch, something I probably only mentioned to him once, yet he remembered and got me a new one for my birthday. I love that." Hiyori smiles into his knees, red covering his cheeks. 

</p><p>Birthdays have always been sort of a depressing day for Hiyori, with his parents working when he was a child or like last year when him and Ikuya were fighting. But with Kaede, his birthday felt special and even though they couldn't do much because of school, his boyfriend still made time for him. Hiyori remembers how out of breath Kaede was as he met him at the train station, present in hand and a wild grin on his face. It's a memory that he holds dear and he replays in his mind more times than he's willing to admit.</p><p>"Earth to Hiyori. Are you there?" Kisumi blurs his vision, a clammy hand waving in his face.</p><p>Hiyori slaps his hand, embarrassed. "I was just thinking." </p><p>"You had the dreamy look on your face again." He teases, "You're so in love! It's cute."</p><p>"But... him and Ikuya hate each other. How is that going to work long term?" </p><p>Kisumi hums, "I don't know but there are plenty of people who are married but can't stand their in-laws and visa-versa. How do they make it work? Maybe you should look it up or talk to someone." </p><p>"That's not a bad idea, actually." </p><p>"My point is, you're not the first person who's had a conflict between your best friend and your boyfriend. It would be great if you all could get along but that's your not reality right now. And I don't think their issues should dictate your choices. If they don't get along, so be it. It's <i> you </i> they love. You call the shots." </p><p>That makes...a lot of sense. To grow up without having anyone to now having two people who love him dearly (in their own way) is still a little off putting. Even though Kaede hasn't said those three little words, Hiyori has felt loved in other ways. Maybe neither of them are quite ready for that next step, this roadblock blinding their vision but with some time, patience, and conversation they could get there sooner.</p><p>"That's awfully profound, Kisumi. You should write an advice column."</p><p>"I'm being totally serious right now." He pouts.</p><p>"I'm serious, too. Maybe we should write one together. 'Gays R Us' or something."</p><p>"We'll I'm bi so 'Queer R Us' would be better and more exclusive."</p><p>"Great idea."</p><p>---<br/>
On their last day, they decide to stay in Toyama, whose beach to rumored to be surrounded by mountains.  

"Yes! It's finally beach day." Kisumi stretches. "I feel like an anime character." </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You know, in most slice-of-life anime there is always a beach episode. Guys looking hot and girls in their cute bikinis."</p><p>"I understood some of those words."</p><p>"Wait, as nerdy as you are, you don't want watch anime?"</p><p>"First of all, I'm a jock first and a nerd second. And no, I don't have time for anime."</p><p>"But what about manga? Aren't you a reader?"</p><p>"Sorry, nope. I don't need to read books with pictures."</p><p>"Oh, Hiyori, you scoundrel. Manga is beyond pictures, it uses art to tell a story when simple words aren't enough."</p><p>"Again, I understood only some of those words."</p><p>"And they let you into college."</p><p>"Come on, let's find a spot before all the good ones are taken." </p><p>The rumors were definitely correct. Iwasehama beach is gorgeous with large blue mountains and a clear sky. They get their a little late, buckets of rowdy kids and their parents lounging in the sand but Hiyori can't complain- sleeping in was worth it.</p><p>After 10 minutes of walking, they find a small patch of beach a little too close to the water. The sun is blazing but they bask in it, lathering their bodies in sunscreen.</p><p>"When's the last time you've been to the beach, Kisumi?" </p><p>"Hm, good question. Oh, it was last year! My parents took us for my brother's birthday. Since he got over his fear of swimming, we felt he could handle the beach again. He had a great time. What about you?" He said, sitting on his towel. </p><p>"Gee, it's been a while; I don't really remember. But just being here feels nostalgic, you know?"</p><p>"Aw, that's cute. Hiyori-chan is so sentimental." </p><p>"What-EVER. I'll beat you to the water." </p><p>Kisumi gets a head start as Hiyori manages to keep up.</p><p>They play at the beach all day, until the sun goes down. The weather stays nice and warm and Hiyori lazily watches Kisumi dive for a seashell. He returns, shell proudly in hand.</p><p>Hiyori says, "I didn't realize how much I needed this." </p><p>"Getting a sunburn?"</p><p>"No, that's you. I was smart enough to reapply my sunscreen." Kisumi pouts. "No, I mean getting away from school, town, my responsibilities. Just a few days to clear my mind." </p><p>"So your mind is clear?" </p><p>"Yeah, I think so. I feel alot better." He leans over, patting Kisumi on the shoulder. "Thank you for inviting me. I have to return the favor." </p><p>Kisumi chuckles, putting the shell in his bag. "Return the favor? Hiyori, please- you were doing me a favor. Thank<i> you </i>  for indulging in my boyish whims. I've had a blast." </p><p>"Me too. Can we come back tonight and see some stars? You can never see them in the city." </p><p>Kisumi smiles. "Sure thing."</p><p>---</p><p>"It's already our last night. How did time go by so fast?" Kisumi says, lazily rolling his jeans into his suitcase. They decided to pack their bags before heading out again, an excuse to rest and eat takeout in their hotel room.</p><p>"Probably because we have business to take care of back home."</p><p>"Speaking of that, did you talk to Ikuya?"</p><p>Hiyori falters, taking a swig of his beer, "Yeah, he texted an 'okay' hours later but he's probably pissed."</p><p>"You know that's not your fault, right?"</p><p> Hiyori grumbles, "Maybe he would've wanted to come and feels left out."</p><p>"Ikuya? Ikuya hasn't done a single spontaneous thing in his life."</p><p>"Neither have I and you convinced me!"</p><p>"Yeah, but you're easy."</p><p>"Wow."</p><p>Kisumi laughs, watching Hiyori grab another slice of pizza. "I don't mean it as a bad thing. Honestly, me and Ikuya have never been particularly close so it didn't even occur to me to invite him."</p><p>"Fair for you but what's my excuse? Ikuya is my best friend but I've been kind of shitty lately."</p><p>"Even if that as true, which I doubt, you're always one to make it up to somebody ten-fold. He could be mad about this trip but knowing you, you'll probably take him out on two trips or something. You hate to disappoint and he knows that, you simp."</p><p> He grimaces, "Ugh, am I really like that? So desperate?"</p><p> Kisumi laughs but not unkindly, "It's part of your charm. Kaede probably likes that about you, too. Did you tell him about the trip?"</p><p>"We haven't spoken since I left. It's part of our 'break.' " He says using air quotes. "He's probably partying it up or screwing someone right now." He pouts.</p><p>"You really truly think so? I've seen the way he looks at you, I don't think he wants anyone else." </p><p>"Okay!" He puts his pizza on the table, beer sloshing as he stands. "What are these looks everyone keeps talking about? Kaede says Ikuya and you look at me a certain way. And you're saying he looks at me some special way. What the fuck are you guys talking about!?" </p><p>Kisumi chokes, suddenly serious, "I can't speak for Ikuya but I admire you. Does he think I want to fuck you or something?" </p><p>"Probably! He's like that. He loves to make assumptions. It's ridiculous." </p><p> Kisumi leans on the bed, smirking, "Hmph. He's not totally wrong." </p><p> Hiyori drops his beer. "Uh, excuse me?" </p><p>"I mean, I'd do you if you were into that. But I have this whole thing with Asahi and you have Kaede- it's too complicated right now."</p><p>Hiyori opens his mouth, then closes it. "Sorry, what?" He accidently kicks the beer under the bed. Kisumi watches, amused.</p><p>"Hiyori, I think you're adorable and pretty hot when you let your hair down. You're also funny and a great friend. What's not to like?" </p><p>"Uh..." </p><p>Kisumi giggles, folded laundry forgotten.</p><p>"I'm not making a move on you or anything, just pointing out facts. But it's probably in your best interest to not tell Kaede that." He chortles, watching Hiyori slump over into a ball. "I can see you thinking. This wasn't a love confession- we are both taken men - sorta. And we have shit to work through though. We both like someone else more is my point." </p><p>"Right!" Hiyori says too loudly. He left his ball position, straightening up to face Kisumi head on. "That's right." </p><p>Kisumi continues, suddenly shy, "And not to make you uncomfortable, but is it weird that I think of you as one of my best friends?" </p><p>Hiyori smiles, happy at the revelation. Kisumi is unlike anyone else he's known. He's not reserved like Ikuya nor wild like Kaede. He's just...Kisumi- fun, slightly mischievous but ultimately an honest and reliable friend.</p><p>"Not at all. I'd feel honored." </p><p>"Oh, good. " </p><p>"I mean, who road trips with just a casual friend anyway?"</p><p>"Now you've got it! Let's go see some stars!"</p><p>---<br/>
The sound of birds chirping causes Hiyori to stir but it's Kisumi's grip on his shoulder that makes him wake up. </p><p>"Wha?"</p><p>"We got to get up. Check out is in an hour and we have a long drive back home."</p><p>"Shit, okay." Hiyori says, not moving an inch.</p><p>Kisumi rolls his eyes. "Are you hung over again? Do you remember anything from last night?"</p><p>"Not hungover. And how could I forget your weird love but not-love confession?"</p><p>"Great! You're not plastered. Wake up because I'm not driving this whole route home by myself."</p><p>---<br/>
The drive back home is pretty normal but fun as they play car games, listen to loud music, and take pictures at a few stops that Kisumi can't resist. Hiyori drives more than half way back against Kisumi's protest to split the load. </p><p>When Kisumi drops him off, Hiyori can't help but feel a little relieved. The trip was amazing but his back hurts and he misses the water pressure from his shower. He unpacks his bag first, sorting the clean clothes from the dirty before heading to the bathroom. After a quick nap, he grabs his phone to message Ikuya.</p><p>
  <i> "Hey Ikuya! I'm back home. Are you free for dinner?" </i>
</p><p>
  <i> "Sure. Meet at our favorite place?" </i>
</p><p><i> "See you there! </i> </p><p>He hits send, willing his nerves to be quiet.</p><p>---</p><p>"So, how was your trip with Kisumi?"</p><p>
  <i> 'Wow, he's jumping right into it.' </i>
</p><p>"It was fun. We went to Nagano and Toyama." Hiyori manages to explain the major points of the trip without feeling awkward or guilty. Ikuya nods, smiling as he listens, interrupting to ask a question or two. "Overall, I had a good time. What have you been up to?"</p><p>"Believe or not, I've been sleeping." </p><p>"Only sleeping?" </p><p>"Resting, too. When you messaged me, it was first time I had left my room since like 2 days ago." </p><p>The guilt rushes back like a plague.</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry. I should've asked you to come on the trip with us! -But it was last minute and I was hungover and-"</p><p>Ikuya waves in his face, smiling, "Hiyori, relax! I'm not complaining. I'm saying it's been great! I didn't realize I had been so sleep deprived. The first night, I went to bed at 10 but didn't wake up until noon. I was <i> exhausted. </i></p><p><i> 'Oh, that's why he took so long to respond to my messages.' </i> </p><p>Now looking at him, Hiyori can see that some of the bags from under Ikuya's eyes are gone and he looks refreshed. He's smiling and to Hiyori's eye there are no traces of resentment. Inwardly relieved, he continues,</p><p>"I'm glad you got some much needed rest. You work really hard. Did you go to the pool at all?" </p><p>"This morning I did but it was more like a lazy swim. I didn't record my times." </p><p>Gasping, "Woah, what have you done with Ikuya?" </p><p>Ikuya laughs, "I'm still me- just a little lazier I guess. I watched a lot of TV this past week. Have you ever watched a Korean drama?"</p><p>"No but you deserve it." Hiyori beams. No matter what kind of relationship they have, Hiyori always feels a sting of pride when Ikuya is involved.</p><p>---</p><p>When Hiyori gets home, it's still early and that nagging feeling at the back of his mind comes back at full force. </p><p>
  <i> 'I wonder if he would want to talk to me this soon? It's only been a few days.' </i>
</p><p>Sighing, Hiyori grabs his phone, remembering his conversation with Kisumi.</p><p><i> "Hey, Kaede! Would you like to hang out sometime? I'd like to talk to you. ^_^" </i> </p><p>He sends the message without thinking too much about it, finding a book to calm his nerves.<br/>
---</p><p>Kaede doesn't answer him right away but it's sooner than Hiyori expected. They arranged to meet at the park between their schools in two days, enough time for Hiyori to get a proper night's sleep so he won't look like a zombie when meeting his (ex?) boyfriend. </p><p>When the day arrives, he can't deny that he's nervous but his excitement to see Kaede again outweighs it. He puts on his favorite sweater, the one that makes his eyes pop, and the watch Kaede gave him for his birthday. The leather looks great on his wrist and he knows Kaede will notice it too. He makes sure his hair is extra tidy and that his shoes aren't scuffed. He feels good, like a bird whose feathers just came in and is ready to fly. </p><p><i> "I just hope he listens to what I have to say." </i> </p><p>He arrives 20 minutes early, finding a spot under a tree that he knows Kaede would appreciate. He straightens his sweater, checks his phone for any missed messages before sitting down under it. The shade cools his brow and he's thankful there are no screaming children insight. He can see the entrance and he's fairly confident that Kaede won't walk past him.  </p><p>Minutes later, he sees Kaede first, with his wild hair and cocky stride. He's wearing the tight black shirt that makes Hiyori wants to run his hands over and black jeans that are too tight to be accidental. Hiyori feels his palm sweat as he's overcome with the strong desire to leap up and greet Kaede with a bear hug. It's embarassing since he's never done that before so instead he waves his arms in the air, grabbing the other man's attention.</p><p>"Hey," He says, hands in his pocket. He looks around Hiyori, like it's a chore to make eye contact. </p><p>"Hey." Hiyori taps the ground in front of him, gesturing him to sit. "You look good." </p><p>Hiyori smiles as Kaede's face reddens, "Uh, thank you. You-look-nice."</p><p>Hiyori ignores his stutter, sliding over as Kaede sits beside him. "Thank you. How have you been?" </p><p>Kaede adjusts his feet, smiling awkwardly. "I've been good but I failed one class so I have summer school."  </p><p>"Not in English, I hope." </p><p>Kaede laughs, "No, I passed English thanks to a certain somebody. I have to retake biology. But to be fair, many people fail that class." </p><p>"When you say 'many people' you mean-?" </p><p>"Yes, people like me who thought it was going to be easy and didn't study as hard as they should. I know, you warned me a million times." </p><p>Hiyori chuckles, watching the sunlight highlight Kaede's hair. He resists the urge to run his fingers through it.</p><p>"So, how are you?" Kaede wavers, moving his bag between them. </p><p>
  <i> 'Now or never.' </i>
</p><p>"Missing you." </p><p>Kaede gawks, raising his eyes to meet Hiyori's. "You have?" </p><p>Hiyori nods, "Of course I have. No point in lying about it. Have you missed me?" </p><p> The blush is so pretty on his face that Hiyori wishes he could paint it. "Yeah," He says eventually, "You have no idea- but I thought you were angry with me?" </p><p> Hiyori laughs, relieved. "I can be upset and miss you at the same time- they're not mutually exclusive." He softens, "That's why I texted you so we could work this out together. See what can be done to fix it- if you want to that is." </p><p>Kaede looks at the ground again, flinging an ant off his ankle. "What do you have in mind?"</p><p>Hiyori grabs his hand causing Kaede's head to snap up, "I just want to talk. I want us to trust and confide in each other."</p><p> Kaede observes their hands, "Trust has to be earned." </p><p>"I agree. Like, when you asked me to be your tutor, I was very skeptical. I kept you at arm's length because I was afraid of getting hurt. Obviously, our past didn't help matters. But we over time we really got to know each other." </p><p>Kaede hums, "Sorry about that. I was a real jerk to you." </p><p>"Thank you. That means a lot to me." He knots their fingers together. "Kaede- I'm sorry too. I've been a jerk as well."</p><p>"How have you been a jerk?" </p><p>Kaede's stare is blazing, causing the hairs on Hiyori's neck to rise up. This is the part he expected but still feels a little nervous.</p><p>"About Ikuya and not explaining the complicated nature of our friendship. I should've listened when you told me your insecurities." </p><p>"That's not your fault, I was attacking your friend." He rubs the back of his neck, looking at the ground, "Last time, when you told me about your parents and your childhood, them ignoring you- that really stuck with me these last couple of days."</p><p>"Really?" </p><p>"Yeah, those couple of days we weren't talking-before the break that is- I avoided thinking about you and us because I was hurt and angry. I didn't understand why you were so...attached to Kirishima.  In some ways, I still don't understand, I'm not you. But...I'm willing to understand." </p><p>Understand. Hiyori rolls that word in his head around. That's all he's ever wanted - to be understood, to be wanted and listened to. Overcome with emotion, Hiyori can't resist anymore and grabs Kaede into a hug that knocks them both on the ground.</p><p>"Thank you! I don't expect you and Ikuya to be friends but I want you to know that you both are the most important people to me." He says in a rush, words loose and watery.  </p><p>Kaede wheezes, stunned from being knocked down. "Hiyori, you're crushing my pelvis." </p><p>"Oh, my God!" He sits up, brushing the leaves out of Kaede's hair. "I'm sorry!" 
 </p><p>"<i>This</i> is how you hug your boyfriend." Kaede stands, grabbing Hiyori's hand to meet him where he is. Slowly, like he's afraid Hiyori will say no -he wraps his arms around him in a strong and steady hold. Hiyori instantly melts, closing his eyes as he pulls Kaede closer to him.

</p><p> This compromise isn't perfect and he and Kaede have much more to talk about.- much more to apologize for. But he can't help feeling excited, yearning for what's to come.  </p><p>"Promise you'll never ignore me like that again." He whispers, tears on the edge of his lashes. </p><p>"I promise. Promise you'll listen to what I have to say even when you don't want to hear it?"</p><p>Hiyori nods fervently into his shoulder, pulling back to answer. "Yes, I promise. Can't say it will be easy though. We have much more to talk about."</p><p>"Well, no one said it would." He pushes their foreheads together. "Besides, I'm always up for a challenge - That is if you are." He says shyly. </p><p>Hiyori laughs, answering with a kiss.</p><p>When they first did this, when red and orange leaves first decorated the streets of Tokyo, Kaede was certain it would be challenging-that Hiyori would be shy and closed off. But he was surprisingly wrong- Hiyori was so touch-starved and eager to open his heart that he wanted to return it in  kind.</p><p>For Hiyori, love was mostly emptiness or pain, an obsession that was never reciprocated or acknowledged. But now, he feels warmth in those old crevices, fulfillment that he didn't think he deserved by someone he never thought would want him too.</p><p>As strangers walk by, trying to not stare as two grown men clutch each other, Hiyori hugs tighter, thoroughly awe-struck. </p><p>
  <i> 'I think...this is love.' <i></i></i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And there you have it! Thank you to everyone who commented on this story and asked about updates!</p><p>When I originally planned this story, I wanted Hiyori to date multiple people and maybe end up single but satisfied. But then I fell in love with Kaede too, wanting them to work it out in a realistic and sweet way. I wanted Hiyori to find love and be loved in return and to find a friend like Kisumi and even makeup with Ikuya.  </p><p>So, thanks for hanging with me as I worked it out! </p><p>Here is a map of Kisumi and Hiyori's <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/dir/Tokyo,+Japan/Nagano,+Japan/Toyama,+Japan/Tokyo,+Japan/@36.3058463,138.5912267,8.25z/data=!4m26!4m25!1m5!1m1!1s0x605d1b87f02e57e7:0x2e01618b22571b89!2m2!1d139.6503106!2d35.6761919!1m5!1m1!1s0x601d805de6344499:0xf128a974072892c8!2m2!1d138.1950371!2d36.6485258!1m5!1m1!1s0x5ff7921409b6c649:0x7c9341c058815173!2m2!1d137.2137071!2d36.6958266!1m5!1m1!1s0x605d1b87f02e57e7:0x2e01618b22571b89!2m2!1d139.6503106!2d35.6761919!3e0?hl=en&amp;authuser=0">trip</a> if you are interested: </p><p>Also, ff you're interested in a bonus chapter with Kaede and Hiyori, let me know! ^_^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>